Hey everyone, its been since August of 2023 but I am back. Lets give some updates on what has been going on, I pretty much quit social media so I don't have Facebook on my phone. I just use Messenger to keep in touch with friends and that's about it. I did this mainly because my stress levels were out of control and all I ever see on social media anymore is just constant negativity and while it makes sense these days now that Trump will be back in office, it was negative before that. Like all I see is people posting about how horrible human beings are being to each other and it just makes me hate everyone and hating the human race is just exhausting. I haven't forgotten but its just better for me not to see how horrible its become, I can't focus on that. I can only control me and my own like, I can't control others so I am not gonna worry about other people, if the human race wants to destroy itself then I will just sit back and eat popcorn but I am gonna have my own peace without that shit.
Besides all of that crap, around my birthday I relapsed after 8 months sober, I pretty much convinced myself that I could maybe use once a year like I used to do and it not being a big deal...well I was fucking wrong. I ended up getting an 8 ball which I have never gotten that much before and I was up for a week and half...ended up in the hospital from extreme dehydration, scared myself and my boyfriend half to death, and now I am just extremely angry at myself. I have just reached 2 months sober and I am STILL angry at myself about it, but I feel like that anger is fueling me, it reminds me of what I did because I don't want to forget. To keep myself in check I have started going to a CMA meeting (Crystal Meth Anon) and even though most times I don't feel like going I do go because I need to, I feel like its helping and I am starting to get in to it. I feel like I've talked to death about me getting sober on here and I keep falling back in to it. I am tired of that repetition and making promises and breaking them so I am not gonna do that now, I am gonna prove it with action, not words that I want to remain sober.
Back in January of 2024 I decided as part of my recovery I needed to give myself something to do, something that drives me and something that I love to do so I started making videos on my YouTube Channel again. I changed the name from Everlasting Zero Productions because it was such a long name, also I felt it was time to just embrace the name I used when I was growing up "Dustin Studios" because mainly its always me making videos, editing them and such so I resurrected it. We started Bears on the Coast and A Word from Dustin back up while also making new shows such as Chicken Chat, Questionable Questions and Burning Down the House with Jacob. I love it and while I need short breaks from it sometimes I do enjoy doing it and it does give me something to do. I didn't feel like I was ready at the time to make new music, and right now it still feels pretty raw for me to make music however since I seriously started recovery again I have been writing lyrics and music and I am happy with what is coming out even if its dark.
So I have said probably a thousand times that I am gonna be posting more on here, this time I plan to actually keep to that. Since I am not using social media I need a place to share about my life and whats going on and I feel like "hey, why not come back on here and do that" so you will see me posting once again on here more regularly. I am looking forward to sharing things and being way more honest because since I've started getting sober I just share whats on my mind and I honestly don't give a fuck. This is how I feel, this is my personal space, if you don't like how I feel then leave. I am not apologizing for myself anymore.
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