Its been a while since a few Dustin Studios films such as "007:Dr.Go","Blair Bitch Project" and "Final Fantasy: World Of Dreams" were released on Youtube. It is with great pleasure that I will be once again working on editing them. I recently got a few of them in my possession and the first I will be working on is the sequel to 007:Dr.Go.
007:For Your Ears Only will take advantage of the editing software we are using for Bears On The Coast. And i'm also considering creating a new playlist on the Youtube page titled Dustin Studios Classic (1999-2003) to signify the difference between those and my current projects.
Sometimes its fun to revisit the past, and if it can be recreated shiny and new then thats great. Gives me a good excuse to take a fun break from BOTC.
Hey everyone, trying the new Blogger app for my Android phone. So its late and I can't sleep of course. I went in to my Scruff and Growlr apps. These are two apps sort of like Bear411 but free and better. The only complaint I have is that since i've been on there i've kind of felt like an outsider of sorts. I've messaged a few people but no one i'd like to get to know more has returned my messages. I'm wondering why and just feel maybe i'm unattractive or something of that nature. It hurts because i'm starting to feel after my last relationship like I may not be suited to love someone. I hate being so down on myself but if their is anything i've learned from my last relationship its that long distance doesn't work. Even though I can care about someone from miles away and hope one day we could move closer to each other, it seems unlikely i'll ever meet someone who will truly do that with me. So I'm left to local guys in Florida and it doesn't seem like anyone local wants to date me either. Tonight just seems to be one of those nights where I with I had a handsome man to hold close to me and call him mine. I hope eventually I will meet that person. Until then, let the loneliness set in...
A lot has happened lately, more bad then good because it regards how I treat others and how little faith they have in me. Apparently I go out of my way to make people feel like crap and say things about them that simply aren't true. This is not the case and if the accusers had talked to me face to face about this issue we would have resolved it in a mature manner. But instead they went around to everyone that would listen and was bad mouthing me. How is this any different than what you accused me of? What upsets me more than the accusations is how everyone I thought was my friend was quick to take your side and listen to one story. Why is it that when people feel they need to talk or get something off their chest they come to me but when someone says something about me no one considers to talk to me, they assume its the truth and then to everyone I am the bad person and I'm not even allowed to discuss my side of the story. Its like anything I say can be turned in to a weapon and all my words cause are discord. I have to deal with people telling me I'm not mature, well at least I am mature enough to want to sit down and talk out the situation then threaten people and name call people. That doesn't help and its very disrespectful. I hope over time this pain I feel now will disappear, and we can all work this out.
Am I like a Moth to a Flame? Why do I keep coming back to something that keeps hurting me? I ask myself these questions after a weekend at a local Bear event. Since I moved to New York City a couple of years ago I considered myself part of the Bear Community, a community of men who are larger or hairier or just admire that type of look. Originally the community was created for people who didn't fit in to a particular stereotype and wanted a safe place to feel accepted. That meaning has all but dissolved from what I've seen. I feel I don't fit the particular standard of what the community asks for. I am not large enough, I am certainly not hairy enough, I don't drink to the point of being loose in all the wrong ways, I am not super butch. Seems I have all the odds against me and I just wonder why I even try anymore. I just want people to like me for who I am and if I can't get it from some over sized fan club gone bad then whatever. I'm tired of being at parties and feeling like a shadow that no one sees until I'm in their way. I'm tired of labeling myself for the benefit of others just so they can tear me apart later about how I'm "not like them". I don't want to fight in a popularity contest I didn't enter. I just want to have a great time with some like minded people who don't want to cause drama. And I'd like to just point out that I know its not everyone in the community who is responsible but you don't seem to be doing anything about the state of those issues so I guess things just won't change. That is fine with me because I don't consider myself part of that community anymore, I've tried and tried to be open and accepting of it but I'm tired of being nice and instead of going down to their level and making myself look bad, I just choose just not be involved with bad company. I'd rather be in the company of people I can trust and relate to, who won't say things about me behind my back, who will disregard my feelings and take advantage of my boyfriend, and who will be there for me no matter what happens. I'm not sure how this is going to affect other things in my life, I am not sure if I am keeping the current name of our show "Bears On The Coast" as it is since I no longer associate with it. We will see what happens.
I recently composed a new track called "Stars". Did the vocals this morning (with a ghetto webcam mic mind you) and they came out pretty decent. Its an awesome track that I personally wrote and created for someone special to me. It isn't part of any particular album and so can be called a stand alone single between records. I will probably be releasing it sometime soon and will announce when I do. I'd love to maybe do a music video for the track, it really depends on how much time I have since i'm busy as hell with Bears On The Coast. But I will be working hard to try and get something out. As far as other music announcements, I am still working on my second album, trying to get a better mic set up. I have to get some equipment before I can continue with it. But its still being worked on. And I am going to be getting some new music from DJ Airrick for the Compass 3 project, I hope to share more with you soon.
Bears On The Coast Episode 18 is now up. I am currently editing Episode 19, if you missed the previous episode, check it out here. In this episode we go to Paynes Prairie, hangout at Spikes and then The Cub Wash makes a glorious return this is borderline porn edition. Its pretty awesome.
I'll be filming at Bears On The River which is being run by the Gatorbears. A local Bear group in Gainesville, Florida. James will also be down here visiting me so it will be very nice. I'll be filming a lot hopefully.
Why would God give us free will if he didn't want us to use it? I ask this question after I watched a video about a Right Wing Conservative discuss that Home Depot supports Gay Rights and that we are just putting Home Depot "In The Clasp Of Satan". Then you have us boycotting Target and Chick Fil A for funding anti gay rights groups. I'm sorry but I don't believe religions should be involved when running a business. Take Chick Fil A for instance, they are a Christian run company, why your religious views have to be expressed over a deep fryer making chicken is beyond me. I believe everyone has a right to believe what they want to believe but their should be a level of tolerance. In the work place you should be tolerant of everyones differences, you can't tell off a customer for coming in and holding hands with a person of the same sex. That is the consumer, and you should always give the consumer the best experience so they will want to come back. But i'm sure companies like Chick Fil A believe that they don't need to do this because they can survive without our money. It is possible but I don't believe its right. Everyone should be treated equally in the work place. I shouldn't have to go to work worried that someone is going to pull me down and force me to pray for the "demons" to be exorcized from my body. Though they don't see their behavior as bigotry it is. And they can't understand this because how would you when you are taught from birth to believe something and then your pushed out in to the world where not everyone shares your beliefs and your families beliefs. So what do you do? You harass people telling them you can save them and when we are civil with you and tell you "No" you get upset and tell us we are going to Hell.
Let me ask you something, what is God? God is not wrathful, He is very caring, very giving, and He put us here to experience life as we see fit. The reason why He hasn't stopped you is because He wants us to solve our own problems. Do you really think He would want us to be living in a world where all judge each other on our misfortunes and our differences? No. I believe He put us here to be open to everyone and everything life has to offer. Otherwise He would have never given us free will. If we were to be controlled why would He give us this? I sometimes wonder if their is a God since He never gets involved. Why does He let all these bad things happen to us? If He has the power to save people why doesn't He? Why didn't He prevent all these wars, 911, Child Molestation, Cancer, AIDS, Disease, Nuclear Weapons, people living Homeless in the streets? You really have to think about it. If their is a God, I don't think He wants to interfere with how we live our lives. But do I think He accepts the things we do to each other? Not at all. But what can He do, we are His children, we are His creation and we must show Him we are better than this...
Edited some of Episode 17 (Part 2) today, came to the decision after putting some music in the episode that for now the talking pieces of the show remain music free. I am nervous i'll run out of original music for the show before the second season is over. But in the meantime I will try to show off some of the music, I already have one track that will be featured during one sequence. I'm hoping to get the episode parts two and three out before I leave on Saturday to Sawmill. Other than that we did laundry today so all of our clothes are clean now. Best of all I am feeling much better today so hopefully i'll be all good by tomorrow. The only problem i'm having now is my growing dental issue. Before I moved from New York City in August, I had plans to get a lot of work done on my mouth. I was to have my Wisdom Teeth removed, get seven fillings, and then get a deep cleaning. I only had one of those done, I had all my Wisdom Teeth removed. Since then i've been in desperate need of getting the fillings done and a deep cleaning. Now I fear their are more problems as I have deep pains in my jaw and I feel helpless to do anything about it. I think its wrong that you go in to a hospital expecting someone to help you but instead you are approached and asked "Do you have insurance or a credit card?". I mean really what the fuck? Healthcare should be free, keeping people healthy and saving them from injuries should not cost money. Maybe i'll touch on this another time, i'm exhausted and need sleep.
