You Don't Love Me

Why am I always told that everyone loves me? I wonder at how accurate that statement is because if everyone loves me then why don't I have any close friends, why don't they call me, and why can't anyone who says they wanna date me ask me out on a date instead of dragging out their feelings about me for weeks to months only to find they have moved on. I'm not sure how to feel about this, I kinda feel like my heart is constantly being played with and lied to. For once I want what someone says to me to be true and he does follow through, and he does care and call me. I'm tired of having my heart broken, just say it and it would make things easier, "You don't love me."

Productivity, Banjo on Facebook, Numb

Today was a pretty productive day I would say. I finished the re-edit of Episode 17 of BOTC, started editing Episode 18 and will continue more tomorrow, and I just finished setting the songs on my follow up second record "Against The World" in a complete track listing. I got more done than I expected even though it doesn't feel like it.

Banjo, our love child and mascot for BOTC introduced in Episode 4 has recently got his own Facebook page. He came on for two reasons, the first is to add all our current and new fans so when we create events for Bears On The Coast we can invite the fans. Second is to interact with the fans and watch over the BOTC page like a moderator.

I've started to notice lately something that i've been suffering with for a while. Since I left NYC back im August, I feel like i've built a shell around me. Outside I appear fun and silly, but inside I feel numb. I feel dead almost like everthing is generic, nothing excites me and I keep myself distant from people because I feel no one can understand me. I keep a lot of things inside and its becoming more and more of a struggle to do that these days. I'm wondering if I will ever stop feeling numb inside, I don't want to live my life feeling flatlined of feelings and emotions...

007: For You Ears Only Available Now!

007: For Your Ears Only, the sequel to 007: Dr.Go which was uploaded a couple years ago on my Youtube page and now available to watch. Its been pretty much re edited with special effects and music. You can check it out here:

Future Of Bears On The Coast

Got the computer fixed now. So now its running much more smoothly. Currently editing 007:For Your Ears Only, got the videos exported in a format that Sony Vegas could handle.  So tomorrow I will be working dilligently on that to get it done. Very excited to be editing some of these old memories. Considering taking silly weird moments and having them cut in to Bears On The Coast as a joke.

I'm gonna be honest, I am growing tired of working 110% for Bears On The Coast. It feels like i've been working non stop since the show started and it was something I used to look forward to. I've already promised Season 2 and I will follow through with that promise. But after its finished don't expect to see too much new from BOTC. We will return when we both feel we have regained our strength. I want to come back to the project with the feeling of excitement.

Dustin Studios Classic - Coming Soon

Its been a while since a few Dustin Studios films such as "007:Dr.Go","Blair Bitch Project" and "Final Fantasy: World Of Dreams" were released on Youtube. It is with great pleasure that I will be once again working on editing them. I recently got a few of them in my possession and the first I will be working on is the sequel to 007:Dr.Go.

007:For Your Ears Only will take advantage of the editing software we are using for Bears On The Coast. And i'm also considering creating a new playlist on the Youtube page titled Dustin Studios Classic (1999-2003) to signify the difference between those and my current projects.

Sometimes its fun to revisit the past, and if it can be recreated shiny and new then thats great. Gives me a good excuse to take a fun break from BOTC.

Loneliness

Hey everyone, trying the new Blogger app for my Android phone. So its late and I can't sleep of course. I went in to my Scruff and Growlr apps. These are two apps sort of like Bear411 but free and better. The only complaint I have is that since i've been on there i've kind of felt like an outsider of sorts. I've messaged a few people but no one i'd like to get to know more has returned my messages. I'm wondering why and just feel maybe i'm unattractive or something of that nature. It hurts because i'm starting to feel after my last relationship like I may not be suited to love someone. I hate being so down on myself but if their is anything i've learned from my last relationship its that long distance doesn't work. Even though I can care about someone from miles away and hope one day we could move closer to each other, it seems unlikely i'll ever meet someone who will truly do that with me. So I'm left to local guys in Florida and it doesn't seem like anyone local wants to date me either. Tonight just seems to be one of those nights where I with I had a handsome man to hold close to me and call him mine. I hope eventually I will meet that person. Until then, let the loneliness set in...

Version Of The Truth

A lot has happened lately, more bad then good because it regards how I treat others and how little faith they have in me. Apparently I go out of my way to make people feel like crap and say things about them that simply aren't true. This is not the case and if the accusers had talked to me face to face about this issue we would have resolved it in a mature manner. But instead they went around to everyone that would listen and was bad mouthing me. How is this any different than what you accused me of? What upsets me more than the accusations is how everyone I thought was my friend was quick to take your side and listen to one story. Why is it that when people feel they need to talk or get something off their chest they come to me but when someone says something about me no one considers to talk to me, they assume its the truth and then to everyone I am the bad person and I'm not even allowed to discuss my side of the story. Its like anything I say can be turned in to a weapon and all my words cause are discord. I have to deal with people telling me I'm not mature, well at least I am mature enough to want to sit down and talk out the situation then threaten people and name call people. That doesn't help and its very disrespectful. I hope over time this pain I feel now will disappear, and we can all work this out.