Nothing Can Stop Me Now (Because I Don't Care Anymore)

I am so fucking done right now. A few things are going to change going forward because honestly I don't give a fuck anymore, I really don't care anymore. I'm done putting my time and effort in to things that give me nothing in return and its sad because I thought I was good at a lot of these things but clearly I'm not because no one cares, which is fine because now I don't care either. So whats the point of wasting my time if I am basically invisible to everyone around me and everything I try to do doesn't matter? Let me explain:

First off, I hate Facebook.

I created another account maybe a year ago just to stay in touch with friends because a lot of people still use it and that is their primary way of keeping in touch with people. I understand the convenience of it, I do but that doesn't take away from the fact that the website itself is completely covered in shit.

Literally half the ads I see are scams, the news that is reported isn't even real and is usually just trying to make people angry. 9 out of 10 posts I see on my feed are just people trying to get other people angry and I just can't be angry 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Maybe some people can live in a diet of anger and bitterness but I can't. Its just not healthy. Also the joke is on the people on the platform who act like Facebook will be around forever and their "memories" won't disappear. NOTHING IS FOREVER. So when AI becomes sentient and takes over the internet and you can't access Facebook anymore what are you gonna do then? I guess die then because you clearly can't function without your fix, from one addict to another, it takes one to know one and well that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Going forward I will only keep my Messanger active so people can reach me but I won't be posting anymore on Facebook because fuck Zuckerberg and his shitty platform. If people don't want to talk to me outside of Facebook then I guess we weren't friends to begin with and that's fine. FUCK THEM.

Second, I will either be quitting Twitch or seriously changing how I stream moving forward.

When I stream I literally get no one watching, it happens maybe once in a blue moon. Jacob created a channel a few months ago, has an audience who consistently come to watch him and I struggle to get one person to even watch me so I guess I must be hideous or not fun to watch. Either way if that's the case then why the fuck am I streaming in the first place?

I originally chose to stream because I wanted to capture me playing video games and upload them to my YouTube channel so I can look back on those games and remember fondly those memories. I still kind of want to do that but maybe it would be better if I streamed it from YouTube so its directly on that platform so I don't have to move it. The other idea I have is if I do decide to stream on Twitch since no one is watching just turning off chat and any notifications because most of the people who do comment are bots and its very distracting when they are trying to sell me "artwork" or telling me to go to a website to get views. I want to focus on the game and not their stupid asses.

Third, I am pretty much done with making videos on YouTube. I will only really upload videos of my streams if I choose to continue that. If not then my channel will lie dormant at this point, same problem with Twitch, I used to work really hard on videos. I took 3 months doing my Resident Evil Highlights video and no one watched it, I don't care to put in so much effort and care in to something for no one to care about it. Yes I care about it or at least I used to. I don't anymore.

So what will I be doing at this point? The only thing I want to keep my focus on that I still care about at this point is my music. My music has always been a form of therapy for me so I find it very therapeutic to me so I'd like to keep doing it and I don't care if anyone listens to it. I am making it for me and no one else at this point. Because of this my current plan is to channel how I am feeling in to the ultimate "fuck you" album. I need to get this shit out of me I finally feel like I have a vision for the album and the songs I had for the EP fit with this so gonna convert them musically for the new project.

I also plan to keep Blogging because I have been enjoying getting back in to Blogging. It allows me to talk about what's going on in my life since right now I can't afford to see a therapist. I know no one reads this which is fine with me and even if people did read my blog I still want to be honest and truthful about my life and how I feel. I can't bottle up that shit even if I tried, my sister does that and she just blows up when it gets too much to bear. I can't do that.

I don't want to be angry, I just want peace of mind in my life and right now that is very hard. That's why I am gonna mainly stick to Bluesky, Music and Blogging. As I said people can't reach me via my phone if they have it or Messanger. Just gonna delete Facebook from my phone, I don't need access to that slop.

I want to leave with this, you need to do what is best for you and sometimes that is destroying everything that brings you down and only focusing on the things that bring you joy. That is what I am doing, I am restructuring my life now to fit with my values and the time I want to put in to things. Don't listen to what others want you to do, feel what it is in your heart that feels best for you and go with that. Always choose yourself and your peace of mind.

The Indecision of Art

I've got to say being an artist sucks sometimes, I want to release new music but I also feel like I want to take my time and experiment and see where I can take my music. I'd rather work on something and when its ready its ready. I am feeling that way about the EP I have mentioned that I am working on, I kind of want to sit back and take the tracks I've done and see if I can rework them in the current mindset I am in because I really want to do a fusion of Depeche Mode meets Nine Inch Nails musically. I want bright synths and hard heavy guitars so I am gonna push and see if the songs can be changed and morphed in to that and if they don't come out good then I will release them as is. Its kind of been interesting coming back to music and seeing how I want to work and how that has changed from the past. I think in the past whenever I make new music I want to release it immediately and I don't give it time to breath to see if it can be improved further. I want to take my time with it now so if that means less releases then that is fine with me. I know this world moves extremely fast now and I just can't create that fast so I need time to do what I can do and I know when its done it will be what I want to release. I do however want to see if I can get one track completely finished before the end of the year and released that way people who enjoy my music have something to look forward to so that will be my goal.

Bears on the Coast is done (for now), New Music coming next Month & Escaping Reality

Hey everyone, so I made the decision to not have Bears On The Coast return. Right now we are just surviving like many of you are doing as well and I don't feel like looking back on this time period at all, I want it to pass as soon as possible and block it from my memory forever. Sorry but we are truly living in horrific times and everyone is completely fine with the house burning down around them. Once Trump is out of office and sanity returns to the world I may feel differently but for right now I just don't want to document a time period of absolute stupidity. Also if you read my last blog entry I really want nothing to do with the Bear Community at this point, nor do I identify as one. Now what I would like to do is talk about everything that I am focusing my energy on.

I've completed lyrics for two tracks for my upcoming 4 track EP, still don't have a title for it but I will say this, the lyrics are very worldy. I didn't want to sing inward, I wanted to focus on things outside of myself because I need to get that shit out of me. I have always used music as a form of therapy and I want to talk about the state of the world and what I am seeing around me. The tracks themselves are Witch House themed, I kind of wanted to invoke a feeling of being inside of a dark place without necessarily going industrial like I have in the past. I wanted to challenge myself and I like artists like Sidewalks and Skeletons, Bitwvlf and Purity Ring so I wanted to channel some of that feeling in to these tracks. I did try to write a full album in that vein however I honestly feel like these days I don't need to force myself to make an album with 10 tracks. If I have a bunch of tracks I like why should I do more then I feel is necessary? These four tracks feel like they belong together and if I added to it I feel it would just bloat the overall message I want to convey. My plan is to get that out by October or November. Now you may be asking "what about the new synthpop industrial music you were working on?", I still plan on doing that and I have written some stuff but I am taking my time with that and I don't want to rush it. I also want to get some new music out since its been 3 years since my last release so yes I don't want to leave people hanging too long. I've played around with getting more releases out regularly rather than putting albums together and maybe doing EPs and singles here and there for the time being. We will see but I should update soon on the name and artwork for the EP since it needs to be released by next month.

I've gone back to streaming on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays on Twitch, I will mainly focus on that for the time being instead of doing other projects on my YouTube channel. We will see if that changes but for right now making new music and streaming are my primary focus and YouTube content besides my Twitch streams will take a back seat. As I said above, I just need an escape from the reality that I am currently living in and I refuse to do that with meth so I'm gonna focus on streaming and making music to express how I feel and I don't care if anyone likes it or not. I'm gonna be honest to myself and my feelings and thoughts.