For a few months now I have been extremely unhappy with myself,
I’ve hit an impassable wall that I can’t scale. I feel its been
holding me back here and I took action today to start to scale that
wall once again.
Today I deleted my accounts from numerous sites such as Adam4Adam, BarebackRT, Xtube and many others. My Facebook has been deactivated for the time being.
I hate Facebook, every time I go on there its nothing but useless information that people share to give them some kind of purpose. I don’t understand the constant posts that deal with furry animals, laughing at others misfortunes and being selfish posting a selfie every five minutes. Maybe its just where I am in my life right now but I am tired of people seeming to be famous over doing absolutely nothing. Maybe I am jealous because I try to do things to get people to notice me and instead it seems everyone hates me. Because of this I rarely post on Facebook anymore and I don’t see a point of going on there to read the stupid shit that people post. If people want to communicate with me I believe they should call me, Facebook is not the end all and be all and if it is to those of you then our “friendship” is not important enough to you to communicate with me outside of a social media app. That says a lot more about you than me.
Now that I’ve purged that from my life I can try to focus on myself and healing without being judged and told how I should think or feel. The next step for me is to try heal and I feel like blogging might help that. I used to blog on a website called Blogger and I found it a very reflective experience as I could go back to a time that I could remember and see how I felt and where I was. I believe sharing my thoughts and feelings is a very positive experience in that respect, I do it through my music a lot and thats why most of my music sounds the way it does. Lately my music has taken a very destructive and dark path demonizing myself as a monster and reflecting that by making harsh and raw music. While I do enjoy the music and it is a reflection of myself at the moment, it scares me. I am not afraid of looking at darkness but when you’ve lived in darkness for so long and you don’t remember what the light feels like you start to feel like a monster as I do. I very much believe that my life needs darkness and light, a ying and yang if you will and I’ve lost the light in my life. All I feel lately is anger and depression overcoming my thoughts, a growing hatred for everyone and everything. I don’t want this to be my life so these are the first steps towards change.
Today I deleted my accounts from numerous sites such as Adam4Adam, BarebackRT, Xtube and many others. My Facebook has been deactivated for the time being.
I hate Facebook, every time I go on there its nothing but useless information that people share to give them some kind of purpose. I don’t understand the constant posts that deal with furry animals, laughing at others misfortunes and being selfish posting a selfie every five minutes. Maybe its just where I am in my life right now but I am tired of people seeming to be famous over doing absolutely nothing. Maybe I am jealous because I try to do things to get people to notice me and instead it seems everyone hates me. Because of this I rarely post on Facebook anymore and I don’t see a point of going on there to read the stupid shit that people post. If people want to communicate with me I believe they should call me, Facebook is not the end all and be all and if it is to those of you then our “friendship” is not important enough to you to communicate with me outside of a social media app. That says a lot more about you than me.
Now that I’ve purged that from my life I can try to focus on myself and healing without being judged and told how I should think or feel. The next step for me is to try heal and I feel like blogging might help that. I used to blog on a website called Blogger and I found it a very reflective experience as I could go back to a time that I could remember and see how I felt and where I was. I believe sharing my thoughts and feelings is a very positive experience in that respect, I do it through my music a lot and thats why most of my music sounds the way it does. Lately my music has taken a very destructive and dark path demonizing myself as a monster and reflecting that by making harsh and raw music. While I do enjoy the music and it is a reflection of myself at the moment, it scares me. I am not afraid of looking at darkness but when you’ve lived in darkness for so long and you don’t remember what the light feels like you start to feel like a monster as I do. I very much believe that my life needs darkness and light, a ying and yang if you will and I’ve lost the light in my life. All I feel lately is anger and depression overcoming my thoughts, a growing hatred for everyone and everything. I don’t want this to be my life so these are the first steps towards change.
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