Monday, July 2, 2012

Sexual Issues

Lately I've been having issues with my sexuality, I don't think its my method that is wrong. I think its that i'm changing and seeking something different than others are and to me it looks like everyone wants to screw everything they see and that is not me. My current situation is this, when I meet a guy I like or find attractive, I try to get to know them. I like to talk to them and see if we have a connection beyond my physical attraction. If I can't find that then more than likely I won't follow through with anything because NSA and Hook Up sex is very emotionless to me. I dislike using the word "Sex" with guys i'm with because of how little meaning it has now. It feels like a handshake based on how I see it being used by other men so it feels empty to me. I like to think that when i'm intimate with someone that I am giving them something special that not everyone can have. This kinda leads in to my last post where I just feel like some of the people I assosiate myself with are just always talking about having sex, with anyone, anywhere, no matter how they can get it and honestly that makes me feel uncomfortable. When I was younger I "sowed my oats" and played with lots of people and enjoyed the times but I feel now that i'm getting older and more mature that I don't want to keep doing that. I want to share that with a select group of people, whether thats a Boyfriend or just Friends With Benefits is fine to me. I don't want to share it with people who don't know me, don't want to know me, and want to get off with me and leave never to be seen again. I really can't stand that shit, and it makes me feel gross after its been done. When I hear some of my friends say how hot someone is i'm usually okay but when they add "I would fuck them" it just makes me uncomfortable. Makes me feel like i'm outcasted because I won't fuck every guy I find attractive. I feel like I have standards and it makes me wonder if theirs something wrong with me, or the guys that are doing this? I don't think theirs anything wrong with admiring someone. I admire lot of men for the way they look, and when I think of myself with them I think in terms of cuddling because i'm a cuddler. I enjoy cuddling and it doesn't have to be about "Sex". Just enjoy being close to someone else I think is handsome. I think i've said all I can really say on the subject. If I have anything to add i'll post it later.