Hello Florida, Attack Of The Club Kids, Bears On The Coast Episode 1...

I'm in Florida now! And so far things have been really good, the move went well and i'm glad to be here. I'm working on getting my state id or driver's license. This will mean I have to get a book from the DMV so I can study to take the test to get my permit. In the meantime, I am still getting used to the area and i'm glad its got an actual town compared to my last place. Hopefully I will be able to get a job here. Michael has been showing me around and has been very sweet since I moved here.

Last night I went to a local gay club called "University Club". My friend Todd called me and asked me to go with him, and so I did. It was a very interesting experience, the bar/club is three levels. The first and second level being in one big room where everyone is dancing and the third being a bit more quiet offering a bar and pool tables. The club was very busy and packed, it seemed to be more of a hangout geared towards the "Twink/Club Kid" crowd. And as you probably know I felt a bit awkward there, but I did have some fun though. It was pretty clear to me that everyone in the club was either drunk as hell or they were on some kind of drug. Everyone was gone! So far gone that if they weren't clothed the entire club could have been a giant cesspool of sex and STD's. But then again i'm also a 23 year old who got over the "club" scene when I was 20 years old so I can't judge them, I can judge the 40 + year olds who are still there and not realizing their maturity. All in all, it was a good night.

Bears On The Coast has premiered and tomorrow i'm scheduled to make another episode with my friend Peter and his boyfriend Artie, and with my roommate Michael. I will be hanging with Peter and we will meet with Artie and Michael and all go to see Tron: Legacy tomorrow and possibly have some dinner afterwards. The first episode can be seen below this post.

Pack & Unpack/New Phone Recieved/Stryker In Florida...

So within the last couple of days i've been packing, all of my stuff is done and everything is packed. Unfortunately I had to repack my stuff because my suitcase was over 100 pounds and the weight limit is 50 pounds. Michael, my new roommate in Florida, helped me over the phone decide how much to bring and how much i'm leaving behind to later be sent to me through the post office. Tomorrow will be my last full day here in Michigan and its feels kinda sad. I am hoping my new life in Florida will work better and at least I tried my best to make things work here in Michigan. I met lots of awesome people and hope to keep in contact with them and possibly come back to visit sometime in the future. Tomorrow I will be cleaning my clothes i'll be wearing on the plane and i'll be making sure all my stuff is packed. I also have to make some CD's as Michael and me will be listening to some of my own music after we leave the airport.

I got my BlackBerry 8330 Curve today. Its a very awesome phone, i've uploaded all my info, set up my e-mail and such, and also imported some edited snibits of songs I like and made them in to ringtones. Right now my current ringtone is Pro-Test by Skinny Puppy, and I plan to make more hopefully soon. I also got the Canon Camera I used when I was living in New York. The camera is a pretty good and takes good pictures and video. I also got a nice pair of headphones and some rechargable batteries for the camera. Thank you Michael Livote for sending me these things in a time where right now things are hard. I really appreciate all he has done for me and glad he is a still an important part of my life.

A good friend of mine named CJ Stryker added me on Facebook (don't ask why we were friends before because we have no idea) but he is in Florida at the moment and we are planning to get together for lunch and possibly hangout. It should be very nice, Michael says if we don't get together on Thursday then he will drive us back in to Orlando over the weekend so we can get together. I am really looking forward to seeing him, at least I will have one familiar face in this very unfamiliar place i'm moving to.

Land Of Christ & The Homophobic...

I live in America, a place where you are free to express your opinion and be who you are. I didn't know that right meant only certain people who are "SAVED" by Jesus Christ, and believe "FAGS" like myself should "GET AIDS AND DIE." First of all, I believe Straight people have NO RIGHT to decide rights for me because they have no idea what its like and they will never know. Second, religion is the LAST thing you should use against us because you say you hear the word of "God" and in some circles we call that Schizophernia. I believe you are allowed to believe what you want to believe, and you should give me the same right to believe what I want to believe. But when it comes to trying to push those beliefs on someone else because you state its a FACT without the FACTS, then you are WRONG. We should all be tolerant as we are all human and all different. Third, I am HIV negative and plan to stay that way. Its a epidemic occuring for EVERYONE EVERYWHERE, Gay, Straight, Man or Woman. Instead of hating on me you should get a life and learn to not be a homophobic cunt. After seeing all this ridiculous fighting for the past couple of years and seeing people like Christine O'Donnell, Sarah Palin, and George W. Bush make judgments on things they will never understand makes me sick. They should mind their own fucking business and leave us alone. I may not be able to change them, but at least I can use the right to freedom of speech and express that we really need to stop fighting on such a silly thing. We have other things in the world going on right now that are much more serious than that. You may not want to know what we do in our bedrooms, but we also don't want to know what happens in yours. We should have the right to walk down the street with our lovers hands held together like everyone else. I really don't have much left to say so i'm gonna go relax now. And don't make me come back and say things that are not family oriented because I wouldn't want to ruin the minds of innocent children everywhere... Oh wait, I forgot about all those horrible parents out there who are doing that already and of course all those pedophiles that you pretend don't exist. Goodnight.

BlackBerry On The Way & Bears On The Coast...

Hey everyone, so I have some good news. I'll be getting my new phone and camera in the mail soon. I am recieving a BlackBerry 8330 Curve with Boost Mobile service as well as a Canon HD camera from my good friend and old roommate, Michael Livote. I am looking forward to being in touch with people again. It is really gonna help me and I appreciate Michael for helping me in a time of need. I also very much so at this point looking forward to going to Florida now. Espicially since we had the first snow of the season today here in Michigan.

And now for even more interesting news, i've been talking with a few friends in Florida, and we somehow got on the topic of my old series or WAS TO BE series titled "Sluts & The City" as a pun toward Sex & The City. We discussed possibly restarting the series with a new name and setting of Florida. The series was just a bunch of videos of me and friends just being ourselves and cracking jokes and such, this version will follow that idea as well but could show more than this. We are considering showing more and maybe somethings that can't be seen on YouTube. Everything is still in the process of planning and I won't know until I settle in after my move to Florida but I will keep everyone up to date on the progress of "Bears On The Coast". Enjoy the first and only episode of "Sluts & The City" located below.

RIP Peter Christopherson...

Peter Christopherson, one of the pioneers of industrial music died "peacefully" in his sleep November 24th, 2010 in his home in Bangkok at the age of 55. He is one of the founding members of Throbbing Gristle, Coil, and Psychic TV. He has also worked solo under "The Threshold HouseBoys Choir." The news officially came from a tweet from Throbbing Gristle bandmates Cosey Fanni Tutti and Chris Carter saying "Our dearest beautiful Sleazy left this mortal coil as he slept in peace last night. words cannot express our grief." Other artist such as Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor also tweeted saying "I awake to sad news. RIP Peter Christopherson - friend and huge inspiration."

Covenant Announces Modern Ruin...

Covenant will be releasing their seventh LP titled "Modern Ruin" on January 14th, 2011 in Germany, January 17th, 2011 in Europe, and Febuary 8th, 2011 in North America. The record will feature 11 tracks and come in a regular edition and a limited edition. The limited edition will come with a bonus disc featuring the track "Wir Sind Die Nacht" which is playing in a german film of the same name out right now. The lead single from the album is "Lightbringer".

CD 1 (Modern Ruin)

Track 1: Modern Ruin

Track 2: Lightbringer

Track 3: Judge Of My Domain

Track 4: Dynamo Clock

Track 5: Kairos

Track 6: The Beauty And The Grace

Track 7: Get On

Track 8: Worlds Collide

Track 9: In The Night

Track 10: Beat The Noise

Track 11: The Road

CD 2 (Bonus Disc)

Track 1: Wir Sind Die Nacht

Track 2: Wir Sind Die Nacht (Oscar Holter Remix)

Track 3: Wir Sind Die Nacht (Full Instrumental)

Track 4: Wir Sind Die Nacht (Henrik Baeckstroem Remix)

Track 5: Wir Sind Die Nacht (Sample)

Track 6: Ich War Nichts (Sample)

Track 7: Wunder (Sample)

Goodbye Michigan, Hello Florida...

On December 9th I will be moving from Allegan, Michigan to Gainesville, Florida. I'm not really up to discuss the reasons behind the move, but I will say that I think Adam and I expected different things and we would like to still remain good friends, plus the job market here is just terrible and its a problem that I can't get around here. So i'll be moving in with a good friend of mine named Michael. So far he understands my situation and not only will let me stay with him but wants to help me as well. Hopefully this time around i'll get some results. I enjoyed the time I spent in Michigan, I met a lot of very good people that I hope to continue to talk to. I've had my ups and downs here but overall it was not bad here, just an experience i'm glad I had.

The Search For Independence & Depression...

As everyone knows i'm just having trouble finding work here and I don't have a means of travel right now. I recently told Adam that if something else came along with a better opportunity that it would be best for me to try it and he agrees and supports me. I have a friend in Florida named Michael who has offered for me to come stay with him and find work there. I have been considering it but nothing is final yet, and i'm currently just trying to see how it is over there. I changed my Bear411 to Florida and suddenly i'm getting mail from everyone in Michigan freaking out and wanting to know all of my business for leaving Michigan and why I can't get work here. It is very simple, I can't find any work here because the economy sucks, and also because I lived in New York City and never took the time to learn how to drive, I have no way to get around. So there you have it! I've been doing my best to find something local and it seems their is really nothing. The only thing I could find local which I will find out about tomorrow is Perrigo from Manpower. That really is my last choice at this point, and if I can't make that work then i'll be forced to try other options. I'm sorry if this upsets my friends here in Michigan but they need to understand. I'm at a point in my life where i'm trying to find the person I have to be and I need to become more independant. I really wished and hoped that I could have done that here but so far it seems nothing has come along my way and i've been working hard. I really thank Adam for being very caring and supportive for the time i've been here. He knows its been hard for me and understands my situation, he also wants to see me become a more independant and stable person and we both see that I might have to find another option.

Since I can feel my depression has been around, its really made things that were already stressful in to something more personal. I'm just taking my time and trying to do the best I can and thats all I can do at this point. Thats all I can do.

Goodbye N64, Paranormal Activity 2, Goldeneye 007 for Wii...

Today was a pretty interesting day, sold my N64 games and system. Ended up getting 60 bucks in store credit at Play N Trade. So I got Adam a second controller for the Wii, and I also picked up a used copy of Super Smash Bros Brawl which was broken when I got home. So tomorrow me and Adam will be going to return the game. We tried to get Wii Sports Resort which comes with an extra controller anyways but they were out of it. I also wanted to get Zelda: Twilight Princess but they didn't have it.

After we did this, we stopped by our friend, Lee's house. We discussed what to do with the evening and eventually decided to go see Paranormal Activity 2. I posted in an earlier blog entry that the idea of a sequel for the film was bad. I don't feel that way now and I should have been more open minded. This film was everything and more, it was shot in the same way the first film was the it was done with minimal effects which I thought was great. The movie was just generally creepy and now I can't sleep so its done an awesome job. What got me freaked out was when the wife was being dragged out of Hunter's room and she was holding the staircase and he body was just floating in the air. It just creeps me out being dragged by something you can't see in to a dark basement. I'd really like to see if they can do a third film, if it is at all possible. And I recommend this film to anyone who was a fan of the first film.

Adam bought me a copy of Goldeneye 007 for the Wii. The game is really just fantastic and beautiful. One of the most beautiful experiences on the Wii in my opinion. The game is a reimaging of the original Goldeneye 007 for the N64 and also a reimaging of the film as well. The game portrays the current James Bond, Daniel Craig and an entirely new cast. It still follows the story of the film very closely but is done in a way that would make sense to the world today. The game also plays very well, the controls take some getting used to but after a while it feels natural. The music is fantastic, thanks to current Bond composer, David Arnold. My only complaints with the game is three things, first of all, I played the game on Easy and towards the later levels of the game that it got much harder to the point where I wanted to throw the controller at the screen. This scares me to even attempt to play on harder difficulties. Second, on the Cradle level where you have to defend Natalya who is attempting to stop the Goldeneye 007. In the original game you did the same but it was NEVER on the level of difficulty it was in this game. How do you stop almost ten guards shooting at her and you? I died almost like twenty times trying to defend her. The guards are really powerful and shouldn't be. Not on easy mode. And third, the fight sequence between you and Trevalan was ridiculous and annoyed the hell out of me. First it starts off simple with just you and Trevalan fighting in a room, then suddenly guards that respawn from different doors and the windows jump in the fight. As if that wasn't annoying enough, you have to deal with a Helicopter as well that is defending Trevalan. The fight sequence was the most annoying and non-enjoyable part of the game and thats sad considering its the highlight of the experience. Even with those bad things, the rest of the game makes up for the bad parts and it feels great. The multiplayer is as addictive as the original game and the best part is having multiplayer compatibility. I recommend the game for fans of the original or James Bond or action fans in general. This game is a must in the Wii library.

Void Of Axis Enters Hiatus

As of today, my music project "Void Of Axis" will be going on hiatus for a little while. At this moment in time, their are a lot of things I need to do and I need to completely put my music aside so I can get these things done. Music is still a huge part of my life and I would never give up making my own music. As of right now, this hiatus should not effect the release of Forest Of Memories in 2011. In any case, I will keep everyone up to date on the status of Void Of Axis. Purgatory will still be availble for download as well, I thank everyone who enjoys my music and thank you for supporting me. Hope to see you all again soon.

Jay Gordon Owns Orgy, Manpower Jacked, Selling Nintendo 64...

Today is a very sad day for Orgy fans. And I mean the music group, not the act. Last night Amir Derakh on the Julien-K forums announced:

As of Oct. 26th Jay Gordon will be leaving the original band Orgy. We don’t know what this means for the future of Orgy, but we are assuming that Jay intends to release new music under the name Orgy. We don’t know if Jay has a new band waiting in the wings to replace us, or if he plans on doing it all on his own - but we do know that Jay is a talented writer, and we are sure that he will come up with something great. Over the last few years we have tried to get the band together and tour or write new music - even though we are juggling multiple businesses as well as 3 original music projects (Julien-K, Dead By Sunrise, and Circuit Freq), we have always been willing to make time for Orgy. It saddens us that Jay is choosing to carry on the Orgy name without his brothers that helped build and create that name, but we truly wish him all the best. Thank you all for your continued support on the many projects that we are all involved in, and for being our friends, family, and fans over the years. Sincerely, Ryan, Amir, Bobby, and Paige.

In response to this Jay Gordon posted this on his Facebook page:

Ok, First of all this has NOT been about breaking up the original band ORGY. I owned the name ORGY and licensed it to the band at the beginning. Although Ryan, Amir, and I had been talking about ORGY touring this summer (which now has come and gone), It didn't feel to me that was going to happen. Julien-K had decided to go on tour to Europe instead. Now that everyone is working on different Projects (some have SEVERAL). I needed to be able to move forward to revive the ORGY brand. In order to make that happen, for legal reason’s, I had to send them a letter to inform them that as of October 26, 2010 the partnership would be terminated. In the letter I stated that if we were to tour, that everyone would still be paid equally, with no changes. So honestly, I can't see how they would arrive at what they wrote? Everyone has been so busy with their different projects I figured this was the only way for me to continue on with the name. I started this band, and I don't want to let it fall to the wayside completely. They mentioned being my brothers, so I am a little confused on why they did not call me about the situation before putting out a press release, implying things based on speculation, that simply aren't true. Sincerely, Jay Gordon (Orgy)

Based on both responses it sounds like their is some miscommunication issues between the members of Orgy and maybe even some issues of what is important to them. From my own personal stand point, it looks like Jay is tired of waiting for the other members to finish their side projects and decided to just take control and move forward with the project rather then waiting. I'm not sure I will be able to listen to the new Orgy, whatever it may be because it won't feature the original members, just Jay Gordon. But only time will tell.

So, now i'm gonna touch on the last few days. I signed up with a job agency called Manpower. They are located right here in Allegan, and at first they seemed very nice and really eager to help me. They gave me an appointment, I came in for it and sat down with this lady that was very quick and seemed to want to rush the whole interview. Instead of giving the regular Perrigo job, she instead refered me to a lady that they work with so I could get a Data Entry position within Perrigo. The problem is after I sent this lady my resume through e-mail, she mailed me back saying they had no positions open but would keep my record on file. So I called Manpower the next day to get an appointment with them. They made it sound like they held their part of the deal. Unfortunately the deal is to get me a job, not have me sit around until someone dies or gets fired from the job. So now I have a interview with them in two week, that should be good I hope.

Later today, i'll be going to Play N Trade to sell my Nintendo 64 along with all of its games. This truly makes me sad, I love all the games I have, those titles include:

• Goldeneye 007


• Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time


• Banjo-Kazooie


• Star Wars Episode 1 Racer


• Mario Kart


• Super Mario 64


• Diddy Kong Racing


• Perfect Dark


• Turok The Dinosaur Hunter


• South Park 64


• Star Fox 64


• F-Zero X


• Conker's Bad Fur Day


• Quest 64


• Doom 64

So as you can see I have quite a collection of games and I hate the fact that i'm losing them but hopefully I can get some good amount of money out of it. I am telling myself I can always rebuy it when the time comes but i'm still very attached to it. This is the gamer in me.

Purgatory Out Now!!!

Purgatory, my new record is out now, is availble for download on Soundcloud now. The link to it is below, please download it. I really appreciate all the support you can give. I hope you like it. Also people have told me its hard to find the download button, but its located next to each of the tracks. Its an arrow point down. Thanks again everyone!

http://soundcloud.com/voa/sets/purgatory

Homeless+LGBT+Shelter=Change?

Are you Homeless? Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender? Living in New York? What are your options? Will you get help? And the most important question, do you want to help yourself? I'm here to help you answer the question. I've lived in many homeless shelters, but I will be focusing on only two, those being, Sylvia's Place & Ali Forney Center. Lets start with Sylvia's Place.

Sylvia's Place was my first shelter and the one I've been to the most. Sylvia's Place is a emergency shelter meaning it is not a place for long term. It is merely a place to sleep if you have no other place to go. It is located underneath and run by MCC (Metropolitian Community Churches). In the advertisement they state:

Sylvia's Place is an emergency overnight shelter for LGBTQ youth (under 24). We are open 365 days/year from 8pm-8am. Curfew is at 12am. We provide hot meals (dinner and breakfast); clothing; showers; case management; physical and mental health medical services; and court advocacy. Drop-in services at Sylvia's Place are 6-10:30pm, Monday/Tuesday and Thursday/Friday.

From my experience the time they open varies, it depends on when the staff working that night decides to come in. This means you could be waiting from anywhere between 8pm to 10pm. Some times the staff will give you a heads up on this or sometimes they won't give you any notice. Curfew and lights out is at 12am, the beds should be made and light should be out by then. They show a picture of the youth sleeping on Cots but a majority of the time that I was there the Cots were mostly broken so we instead slept on the floor either in sleeping bags or on top of them with sheets and pillows that were shared by everyone in the shelter. They do provide meals but they don't cook them, most of the time you will have to make your own food. Unless its a holiday or special occasion, in which the staff will cook, you will more than likely be making most of your own meals. They sometimes have clothing donated to them. They have one shower which you must sign up for at night and only ten spots are open so not everyone can shower everyday. The case management from what I remember is by sitting down with someone who goes over the time you have spent there and what you are doing to change it so you can leave with a more stable life. They also have house meetings where they do this as well with everyone living there present. During the house meetings they discuss how you are doing and how you can changing and better yourself. They also take requests from the residents to find out what they can do to better help them to live there more comfortably. They also on certain days of the week they have a Med Van that comes by to help anyone who has any medical problems or questions. Sometimes even if you don't have insurance they will also help you as well. And they do as well have Court Advocacy which I have not personally used but I know people who have used it and who found it very helpful. Also during the mornings, before everyone leaves, you and everyone living there is required to take part on chores. The chores are made by the staff and if you do not take part in the chores, you possibly told to move out. While I was there, they also had two places called Sylvia's East and Sylvia's North which were for people who are selected for their good behavior and how well they are doing at getting themselves together. The places are typically nicer, have better food, and even have Cots for you to sleep on. But from what I last heard they had to close them both down because of lack of funding. Overall, Sylvia's Place is not a bad place, its not an ideal place to live but until you or them can get something together it is your best choice. If you'd like more information on Sylvia's Place please visit their website which I have linked below:

http://www.homelessyouthservices.org/

Ali Forney Center is much bigger than most of the other shelters programs in New York City and is funded by many LGBT and LGBT friendly people. It not only has Emegency Housing but they also have a Day Center as well as Transitional Housing. In order to sign up for any of there programs you must go to their Day Center located in Chelsea. They do have an extensive waiting list unfortunately which can lead to you waiting from anywhere as soon as just a couple of days to months depending on how many people are trying to get in. You don't need to be part of their Housing Program in order to go and use their services though. They offer at their Day Center:

• Street Outreach


• Case Management


• Primary Medical Treatment


• HIV Testing


• Mental Health Assessment & Treatment


• Food & Showers


• Employment Assistance Program

In their Emergency Housing Program, they have 5 separate locations. This amounts to at least 30 beds. They are usually regular apartments and are very nice and clean. You also have your own bed and closet to put your clothing in. While I was there I resided in Taffy Place located in Brooklyn. It was a nice apartment in a not so nice part of Brooklyn but at least it was a place to stay. Most of the staff was really nice with the exception of my case manager. My case manager would see me, and during the time I was dating someone who was taking me to Human Resources to get my benefits approved as well as getting some Mental Health Services. I told her most of this and I assumed she just marked it down that I was getting help. But instead she was marking that I refused help from them and assumed that I was doing nothing to help myself which is not that case. This lead me ultimately to having to move back to Sylvia's Place because my time expired there. Hopefully the case worker doesn't work there anymore, and if she does I hope that she tries more to help people and instead of assuming things she could gather the information through paperwork that the person should be getting from wherever they have been.

Just like Sylvia's they have chores that you must complete everyday before you leave. When I was there we had to leave at 8am or 10am every morning and couldn't be back till at least 8pm. Although more recently, they had the house open all day. I am not sure if they still do this today. It should also be stated that house meetings occur as well and you are required to be there unless you have work or an appointment which you must notify the staff of before hand. I was not in their TLP (Transitional Living Program) but I know people who have been in them. Its pretty much the same set up as the Emergency Housing Program except that you pay rent now until they can help you find an apartment of your own.

In the end, Ali Forney Center is a pretty good program to get in if you are homeless. The people are generally really trying to help you and push you to take advantage of those benefits. The only down side is the long waiting list to get in and for some people with no where to go this can be disheartening. Also, they should put more care in to people who live in their program and might be doing some of the work to get better on their own. They should instead of being put off by then not taking advantage of their own service, they should help, and make sure the person living there is actually doing what they say they are. If you would like more information on Ali Forney Center please visit their website which I have linked below:

http://www.aliforneycenter.org/

I am sure their are other services as well in New York but these are the two LGBT programs I was involved with. But I will say that if you are homeless and have no where to go to please try these programs. And now I'm going to put some of my own person hopes and wishes that I think could help LGBT Homeless Youth. I remember when I first became homeless and I left all I knew to go to New York City, a place where I was taught to be scared of as a child. The first day I got there I went to Sylvia's Place and was emotionally compromised to say the least. I urge and strongly must say this to anyone who works in the field of helping homeless youth. You must do this because you want to help these people. This is not a job for people who just need money. These kids are coming from a place where they feel they have lost everything and now must start over. It is your job to help them feel wanted and needed. I remember during the days I was homeless, I felt like my life was meaningless and being angry at everyone. It is hard to try and help someone who says they don't want help, but to be honest, you should help them regardless. I didn't want help when I became homeless and its because I didn't trust anyone and was just angry. When I was asked if I need help I instead of taking it just refused it. Long story short, I just feel that the kids need more help even if they don't request it. As someone who went through it, I feel on a certain level I can relate to them and understand what they are going through. If I had the chance I would work with homeless youth to help them feel they are important and wanted. I would treat everyone equally and not put anyone down for being more or less able to help themselves. A big problem is that in New York State funding is quite low for plans to help Homeless people, most of the money has to be made through fundraisers or donations. I believe as how much of an epidemic this is that we need more funding and more places for these kids to stay and its not going to get any better with the rise of cost of living in NYC. I think its very important to have programs to help these kids get benefits until they can get proper work, many kids are suffering because they have no Medical Insurance, Food Stamps, or Public Assistance. And its hard to get these things with people who work at HRA who don't even care about helping you. Most of the people who worked with me there were rude, gave me a hard time about serious issues which to them was joke, and don't seem to want to help anyone. People like this shouldn't be working in that position and more than likely have the position only to make money.

Right now I am living in Michigan because I myself did not want to go through the trials and trauma I had experienced when I was homeless. A majority of the time these kids spend is out in the world which for me was New York City and from someone who didn't have much money or food, it was not a very great place. Some of these kids who aren't able to find work, myself include, had to sell themselves using sexual favors. It is not only morally degrading, but it is extremely unsafe for them. The Gay Community in generally is known for advertising a majority of things with Sex. I think this is a huge problem and not only pushes kids within the shelter system to sell themselves sexually but to be extremely promiscuous which can cause them to be careless and put in contact with various STD's. I also had my stuff stolen (including clothing, CD's, bank card) by residents in the shelter system. I think what we are doing now to prevent these problems is a good starting place. But I feel that it must expand and grow, it is a serious issue that not many people notice or want to notice because they can't understand what its like. Just because you can't understand what its like doesn't mean you can't accept it and tolerate it. This is what Gay people expect of Straight people, so why can't we expect this from "normal" people who don't understand homeless youth?

Void Of Axis Presents Purgatory, Halloween Sucks, Manpower...

Hey everyone, my first announcement, my solo music project "Void Of Axis" will be releasing the full length album "Purgatory" on Wednesday. The album contains 13 tracks including the current single "Psychosis" and also more importantly, the whole album is free. Purgatory came about when I had a collection of songs that were just lying around, they pretty much were finished except for the lyrics. I decided to make the entire album an instrumental record. I believe it works as just an album of music rather than actual songs with music and vocals. Its just a collection of songs running on a storyline i've created. The storyline for the record is a town being engulfed in to a realm of darkness and the people who come in contact with this darkness either fighting it or giving in. In the future, whether I decide to write lyrics for any of the songs is completely open, but for now, treat the record as a soundtrack to a film but without the visuals. Let you mind create the visuals through the music. The album cover was designed by Eric Peterson who has already worked on the Psychosis cover and the Void Of Axis logo. The idea was a vortex with my face coming out of the vortex in flames. I think its a great cover and I thank Eric for creating it for me. Now the track listing for the record is as follows:

1. Point Of No Return
2. Within The Trees

3. Bleed

4. Where Is Everybody?

5. Psychosis

6. Bury Me

7. Possession

8. Black Moon

9. Fear

10. Shadow Of The Reaper

11. The End Is The Beginning

12. End Of Days

13. Purgatory

Now on to other things, this past weekend was Halloween. I was invited a few weeks or a month ago by Adam's friend Scott to a party at his place. I remember accepting the request and then like a week or so before the event I saw nothing on the event anywhere. So I looked for it to see why it wasn't showing up in my feed anymore. I came to find I was no longer on the list of people invited, I told Adam who still went so I decided to should try to make other plans. I made plans with a friend who was suppose to come a pick me up and take me out for the weekend so I could get away and just relax. I waited all day and night and never got anything back so pretty much the whole weekend I was stuck home. Their was very little food left in the house so my friend Christopher came over and helped me get some food and also hungout with me to help me relax. It was a pretty shitty Halloween, but at this point i'm glad to at least know who my true friends are. I may not have had the best time but I did what I had to and just rested the whole weekend. And I gave myself very good hopes for the week ahead. I'm glad I did too.

Today, I went to a job agency called Manpower. I filled out an application and such and now I have an appointment on Wednesday to see what jobs are availible. The only job they have local to where I live is Perrigo. I just need a job so I really don't care what I get, I just need anything at this point. I am hoping if I start working to start saving some money and getting stuff done that I wasn't able to do in New York. So hopefully this week will be much better than my Halloween was.

Psychosis & Chest Cold...

I have a new track called "Psychosis", its been released under Void Of Axis as a promo song. Pretty much a track for the holiday of Halloween. Its availble now to listen to and download for free! The link will be posted below, so what are you waiting for?! Go listen and download now!

http://soundcloud.com/dustinterry/psychosis

I had my friend Russ over yesterday, things were good until somewhere along the night I somehow started to have trouble breathing. My throat became itchy and I was coughing up a storm. I woke up today feeling dizzy, had chills, coughing, and with a sore throat. Pretty much I have a Chest Cold and i've been in bed most of the day. It wasn't until around 9pm I started to notice that Adam wasn't home yet. Its about 4am now and he is still not home so i'm somewhat worried about him. I decided I would wait till morning to do something. I am sure he is alright, I just get worried and I hope he is alright. Gonna attempt to get some sleep now. Goodnight everyone...and DOWNLOAD PSYCHOSIS!!!

Happy 23rd Birthday, Weekend From Hell, Someone Special...

Hello everyone, time to update everyone on whats been going on with me, which is a lot actually. First off, my birthday has passed and I am now 23 years old. My best friend Paul and music partner on the "Dominion Alliance" project flew in from New York just to be here for me. He is leaving tomorrow back to New York City but we are already having talks of him coming back to visit for Christmas so we will see what happens. We have had an awesome time together and even worked on some new and awesome music. It gave me time to do vocal work for some tracks as well. It also gave me the chance to do vocal work for my own solo project "Void Of Axis". I have even made a cover of Stripped by Depeche Mode which I have tried to make in the past but I have finally made a version of the song that I believe is great. So anyways, we held my party as Shakespeares Pub where we have some of my best friends attend. It was an awesome fun evening and i'm glad that my friends could make it one for me.

So this past weekend, I went with Paul, Adam, Chris, and his partner Bruno. We went to Saugatuck, which would be the equivilant of the Hamptons of Long Island, NY. We got there and first thing we did was we looked for a place to eat because we were very hungry. We eventually settled on a small resturant called Scooter's Cafe which serves many different things. The food was awesome and we all loved it. The guy who was serving us was super nice and very funny and after lunch we walked around. I went with Bruno to the candy store and did some taste testing. Had some nice treats, and after we had our fill, we left Saugatuck, and went to Starbucks while we were on a search for a store called Play 'N Trade, which I found out about after me, Adam, and Paul a few days prior went to Sonic's for the first time. Across the street was the store and I looked it up. Its basically a modern day "Funcoland" which sells games dating back to the Atari 2600. So I ended up picking up Banjo-Kazooie and Star Wars: Episode 1 Racer for the N64. Was so glad to find two awesome games. After that we went to dinner at Applebees which was filled with testosterone imbalanced men screaming at the TV which had foot ball playing. It got so noisy that children even started to cry. And from that point on the night got pretty intense and it went downhill... I don't want to disclose any personal information but i'll just say I had a pretty screwed up evening and i'm still trying to figure out what happened. So pretty much the day after that was spent feeling really weird and just moody trying to relax and then I get in to a heated argument with a guy. He is telling me that he is changing his bear411 profile and the reason why is because he gets messages that he is an asshole. So as a good friend I offered some advice and told him that maybe he comes off like that because he has a bit of an attitude. So he gets all bent out of shape and take his attitude out on me instead of listening to my advice and constructive criticism. So after being told to "Shut the fuck up" and so on, I told him he needs to go get some therapy and some medication because he has issues and an attitude and he needs to get help for them and till he gets that to not contact me. So since then things have just been a bit weird. The past two days have been good so I can't complain.

And last but definately not least, I have started talking to someone special, we have chatted for a little bit and the other day talked on the phone. He is a very sweet guy and he plans to drive up here and spend the weekend here with me. Just a low key weekend together and getting to know each other, I am very excited and to be honest, everytime we talk it makes me feel good and he makes me feel like I have butterflies in my stomach. Not only is he a nice sweet guy but he is also very handsome and cute. So we will see what happens and I will update about it soon. Gonna get some sleep. Goodnight everyone.

Resident Evil Afterlife, Silent Hill sucks now, Working on Lyrics...

Hey everyone, I saw Resident Evil: Afterlife 3D today. It was amazing, Milla Jovovich did an awesome job as always. The film's stunning 3D visuals and constant carnage makes it a must see for fans of the Resident Evil series and fans of the film series. I went with my roommate Adam, and our friend David. We all had a great time and hungout afterwards at David's place where he hooked up the Wii. David and myself played Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles, we played through the Resident Evil Zero part and were so exhausted after that. Then I played Silent Hill: Shattered Memories, which to much of my dislike played pretty well but to be honest, the game felt very unlike Silent Hill. The combat system is completely ripped from this game and its a "re-imaging" of Silent Hill for the Playstation. To be honest, I think the reimage was very off, it feels weird and personally i'm very sick of all these Silent Hill titles being released now since they are made by no name fifth party developers. Silent Hill should be created by the team that did it best, Team Silent. My message to them is get over your shit, deal with your differences and just make another game. The fans are sick of these crappy titles, nothing compares to how awesome Silent Hill 1-2-3-4 was. After that the games are few and far between.

I've been writing new lyrics based on recent feelings i've had, I currently have no equipment to compose them in to song form but lyrics are good for now so I can capture how i'm feeling now. The lyrics are pretty raw and outspoken but in a way I have not done before. I've only written three songs which are titled "Therapy", "Hate Me", and "Beyond The Limits". I intend to write more and see what else I can make.

As for right now, i'm going to go lay down, i'm currently recovering from a fucked up asthma attack which is completely stuffed my nose so i'm gonna lay down and try to rest. Have a goodnight everyone.

A Road To Nowhere...

Okay so just to let everyone know before this blog entry starts that its going to be brutal and full of a lot of anger and stress that i've been feeling and if you are like every other faggot in the world who only cares about themselves and doesn't want to think about someone else for a second and tell them that things will be okay, then you should close this page out and go back to your pretend life with Ken and your dream house.

Okay so let me start off saying that i'm very stressed out. I have been trying to make things work over here and last night I had a very bad night. Adam who I moved in with took me to pick some thing up at Meijers and while we were there I made just a sweet comment about him that was just me being playful and he acted all weird and offended and said to me "I just don't like you like that." That is completely fine with me but I knew that a week ago and I was just making a joke and giving him a compliment. I told him "That's fine, but don't take it like I put a ring on your finger, and tied you to the bed for all eternity for me". So now its been kinda weird between us. I get the feeling that I am not what he expected and I feel I should have listened to my friend about not getting involved with him until I was finanically stable here. But now i'm not and I have us being awkward towards each other to face and its my fault. So now i'm gonna try and go out tomorrow in a last ditch effort to apply for every job I can within walking distance no matter how bad it may seem. But it gets better, on Monday, a friend who I met online who has been talking to me wanted to meet up and hangout. So I said yes and as soon as he drove up in to the drive way I knew things were bad. He must of aged twenty to thirty years from his current pictures. He was this old pudgy man and for some fucked up reason instead of turning around and going back in to the house I went with him. From the moment I got in to the car till I came back home, he pretty much was all over me and begging me to be his HUSBAND, yes, forget the boyfriend status, and to be his son, in a daddy/son relationship. Or in this case, a grandpa/son relationship. So after I got home, I felt completely gross and disgusting and tried to tell Adam who didn't have much to say. Then I tried telling others who also didn't have much to say, some said I was "dumping it on them" and some said "ah" and then nothing else. The sad part was, that was not the only thing bothering me and if that was a problem for them to hear then i'm sorry to burst the bubble in the world of positivity and perfection but I AM NOT PERFECT and I after going through the massive amount of shit in my life needed just someone to sit there and tell me it wasn't my fault and that i'm fine and a good person. Thank you to Paul and Craig for doing that for me. I also understand that some people take things differently than others but I was just upset and looking for someone to talk to. If you are gonna be a friend to someone you should know that you will have to talk to them through the good and the bad times and if you can't handle that then you need to figure out why that is because thats not good. If you can't handle someone else telling you their problems then how can you handle yours? Now on to another matter, I am coming to the realization that I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life, besides music which I can't make a living on. I tried to think of a career for myself and I can't think of anything i'd like to do. I don't know if that is a problem or if that makes me a waste of time but I just feel very lost at the moment. I just moved to a new place, with new people and new experiences, and I was having a good time till reality set in. I need a job, and fast. I need to drive, and fast. And I need to start making money and saving it. Its really set in for me and I guess i'm just scared to go out because I don't know this place and I don't know what the people are like but if I don't move then I will make matters worse than they already are and I don't want to do that. I want to do something to better myself and push me towards a future where I can be happy and hopefully find what I want to do with my life. My problem is as well that I care more about others than I do myself so thats why I get hurt a lot. I put my faith in people and end up getting hurt because they can't keep a promise or they lie to me. I've been trying to care more about myself but I just don't seem to be that type of person. This doesn't mean I don't care about myself, its just means I place more importance in others and their needs. I enjoy making others happy before myself. Also I feel I must report on this while i'm feeling it now, for some reason I get so mad when I see someone I like find someone that makes them happy where i could not. It makes me mad that I can't make someone happy or have someone of my own who "loves" me for who I am unconditionally and I love them unconditionally. At this point, most people who find an interest in me I feel I disappoint, I don't know why. Maybe its just not the right time, I feel like saying to those people, if you really want me, show me. I shouldn't have to chase after something you won't give me anyways. If you really want me, then you should ask me out on a date, ask me to go to dinner, a movie, and a romantic night under the stars (if that doesn't make you sick hearing it all at once). Then i'll take you seriously because as far as i'm concerned, i'm not looking. When someone finds me and does that, then i'll be open, till then, i'm keeping my heart to myself so it can heal.

So talking about all this pent up stuff has given me the need to make music, problem is I can't at the moment because I have no equipment. When I left New York I left the Mac I had there as well and now I will have to try and get a new one after all of this stuff has worked out which I hope it does. I've been in a mood to make something representative of how I feel right now which is very dark, moody, and very experimental. I want it to sound like something i've never done before, something that even for me to produce in a live setting would be hard, something that could sound revolutionary and within its one genre. But again, it will have to wait till I get another Mac and equipment with it.

I thank anyone that listen to me rant today but I needed to get out how i've been feeling and I hope you all understand how I feel and will send your support for me as I truly need it now. Thank you.

Goodbye New York, Hello Michigan...

Its been a while, and a lot has happened, I felt I should update everyone on the events that have happened within the last couple of months. Back in June 2010, I was told that I had two months to prepare to move because my ex-roommate wasn't allowed to have anyone living there but himself. So I worked on trying to find an apartment and a job, I found a job within a month but it wouldn't start till August. As time moved along, the date for when I was suppose to leave kept being moved up till eventually it was moved up to August 1st. Out of options and places to turn to, I tried to turn to everyone in New York I could turn to, but no one was willing to help or had the resources to help me. But two months prior to this, I had a brief conversation with a good friend of mine named Adam who lives in Michigan. He told me that if it ever happened that I would end up in a bad situation in New York I could come live with him. He believes that I could better in Michigan. So in a life changing choice, I decided that things would not get better and the only choice left for me in New York was to become homeless again and I wasn't going through that again. If I went back to that it would be like everything i've done in the past few years would have been for nothing. So I decided to start saving up money and move to Michigan. I set it in my mind that I need to leave New York and start somewhere else and leave the past in New York. Give myself a new start and a second chance. So within the month of July, I spent collecting money, selling things and just saying goodbye to everyone. During July, I can remember how it felt and I still find it sad that some people took my leaving New York as me "running away from my problems". In fact, to be honest, I left New York to go somewhere where people care about me more than to just let me drift around on the streets on Manhattan and just a goodluck and a bag of clothes. So I got enough money for the tickets, I ended up getting tickets to take Amtrak. The days before the move were the hardest, inside it felt so unreal like it was a dream or something but then the day came. August 2nd came and I was late on finishing my packing, I finally got it all done, and I will NEVER pack that much shit again. I had to lug this huge red suitcase up a stairwell in the Bronx and almost felt down the stairs getting it up. It was a nightmare. Getting to Penn Station with the luggage was a complete nightmare and I was late. But I eventually made it, after being sweaty and annoyed by falling over in Penn Station with my luggage. I left my luggage at the back of the car and sat down in the only seat left on the train but I was glad to just have made it there before the train left. Called a few people to let them know I was in route to my destination. During the trip on this train and hung out and tried to keep my mind off of crying from how emotional the experience was of just getting on the train and listened to some music and watched some videos on my MP3 player. The sky grew darker as we traveled farther north in New York. Everyone was asleep by the time we reached Buffalo, NY. I was awake most of the night, I fell asleep while listening to Coil's "Musick To Play In The Dark Vol.1". I woke up with the song Broccoli playing and was freaked out by Jhonn Balance's vocals in that song. But I did eventually sleep a little. We got to my first destination in Ohio where I switched from the train to a bus. This bus took us from Ohio through Detroit all the way to Ann Arbor where I would get the last train. Once in Ann Arbor, I called and talked to my friend Paul for a few minutes and then talked to another one of my friends Chris. Eventually the time came and the train came, I got on the train, this time having my own seat and was kinda of falling asleep from being awake all night but decided to stay awake. I'm glad I did, the view of the landscapes and farm land I saw on my way to Kalamazoo was fantastic. I even saw some Deer looking on to the tracks as we passed by. I got to my final destination, Kalamazoo, where it was nice and sunny. I sat outside waiting to finally meet Adam in person and he came, it was very nice. He took me that day to meet his friend Scott and we ran in to another friend I had been talking to a lot before I moved on Bear411 named Craig. We got along pretty well and they went shopping but eventually I got to the house and unpacked a bit and just relaxed and got used to my surroundings. In the days after that, I just got used to where I was now, and I needed it, I felt very numb and almost cold because I was not used to such a change. But I was overall happy with the decision and since then I have been working on trying to get a job, and other things such as learning how to drive and switching some of my benefits from New York to Michigan. But i've also been just easing in to my new life here and getting to know the people around me who are supporting me in my change and my new life here. I have no regrets about what i've done, and to be honest, since i've moved here, i've been happier here than i've ever been in New York. I actually feel like I belong here and I feel like i've found a place I can actually call my home. To me that is an accomplishment and a step forward. This past Sunday, I went with a couple of friends to Lake Michigan, it was pretty much myself, Adam, Craig, and Max. It was a great time and I can see us doing lots of fun things in the future together. I look forward to my future here and I can honestly say for once that I am happy.

Static Of A Broken Heart

Okay, I have to say this because its emotionally and mentally hurting me inside and I won’t be able to sleep unless I let this out now. Ever since I deleted my Facebook profile I have been out of contact with people I thought I was very close with, people I considered good friends. And now its like i’m alone, so because I left Facebook and because it was very easy for you to get in contact with me that now i’m not there you don’t have the time to say hello or even check up? I mean I send out a mass email to say hello to you and everyone else and out of twenty people only two people have the time to respond. I know what you are going to say, “Oh Dustin, you are being too controlling, i’ll respond to you when I get the chance”. First off, its not controlling when you sent the message a month or two months ago so shut up. Second, if you really check nothing but Facebook then you don’t have much of a life then do you? I left Facebook because of two major reasons, the first being that I really dislike Mark Zuckerberg’s stand on Privacy. I don’t care what his OPINION is on privacy. I DO NOT want my information public and for him to personally feel its okay to take it and spread it across the internet is fucked up. I do not want my status updates, messages, private messages, etc, to saved and seen by other people then it should be intended to people to see. Now i’ve already fought with some friends about this who are still on Facebook not because they can’t leave, its because they either don’t care what happens to their personal information or they don’t care about themselves. Unless Facebook cleans up its privacy settings for the better or they can kiss their business goodbye. Right now I have relocated to Myspace which I have yet to fully set up and I apologize for that. But for the last week i’ve been studying for a new job which at this point have no idea I will get or not. The second reason I left Facebook is because I don’t want to be distracted by it when I start this job. I want to at this job fully functioning and doing the best I can do. I can’t do that when i’m distracted by how well your trip is going at Bear Week in Provience Town and Farmville crops needing to be watered. So now that i’m not there it seems a good portion of people I once talked to have not talked to me or even have completely cut off communication with me. I’d like to just say that I don’t understand how some of you think or behave. I am a very nice person and I could be your best friend, offering advice, offering you help, but instead it seems my purpose is to continue to be alone. And its not because of you of course, its because of me, because I have the problem, and it seems I always have a problem. I’m the center of the attention which to be honest, I don’t know why I am and I really don’t want to be, i’m sure you have better things to do with your life but I guess not. I am just doing my best to try and live a normal life and it seems i’m constantly letting myself down. At this point I should be used to it but sometimes it hurts more (like tonight) then other times. And i’m sure most of the people who read will tell me, “Dustin, stop being so emo, stop being so down on yourself…”. Why don’t you take a few minutes to yourself and ask yourself, “Do you really know everything i’ve been through? Do you know how hard its been for me and how hard i’ve tried to get myself to where I am now? Do you really have any right telling me how I should feel when you don’t know the half of it?”. Maybe its better off that way, everytime I tell my past to people it seems I never see those people again. I seem to scare them off, I guess i’m too much to handle for anyone. Even myself. I wish things were different, but this is who I am. And I can’t change that, either take me as I am, or go back to your perfect dreamworld continue to live in your fantasy. I’ll live in the real world, all of its ugliness, all of its pain, all of its beauty, all of its sorrow. And I won’t throw away the pieces I don’t like, i’ll take it all and accept it. Right now, i’m doing my best to be strong, and sometimes it would be nice to have someone to help me back up when I fall to my knees. I hope you will be one of those people, cause thats what I need. People I can rely on, please be there for me, i’m not asking much but just for you to help me through a hard time right now. Thank you for listening to me. Goodnight…

Wisdom Teeth Round 2/EP of Songs during TOS/R.I.P. Summer

Hey everyone, tomorrow I will be getting my last two Wisdom Teeth removed. I am very nervous but i’m sure it will be okay, i survived the first time and it wasn’t painful. It was more of a lot of pressure and uncomfortable feelings. But Mike is going to go with me this time but he can’t see me home as some screwed up legal thing has come up. But I will be okay getting home. Just don’t like having my mouth full of a bloody gauze.

In other stuff, today I had to look through a bin of all my stuff to find a SD drive for Mike and while I was searching for it I found tons of old books full of lyrics and poetry I wrote when I was in a group called “The Other Side” and still lived on Long Island. I was looking through them and noticed how powerful some of them are. It wasn’t until I downloaded “Hydrogen 2” on Mike’s computer across from mine that I realized that maybe I could take a handful of those lyrics and make a small EP out of them. Something fun and something where i’m not trying to make the tracks in to elaborate soundscapes and such. Just plain tracks with beats and such for fun. So i’ll probably be working on something in the coming week since i’ll be home bound anyway for my teeth. The results should be interesting, i’ve determined that I already want them to sound more demo like and less produced then my new stuff so it will be more raw. I’ll update more on it soon.

In a sad note, I woke up this morning and found out from my mother that one of our two dogs, Summer, passed away today. My mother thinks that Summer had a stroke and then a heart attack. I was crying this morning and have been sad throughout the day. I will miss Summer very much and I love her with all my heart.

Submerged Memories Update/Wisdom Teeth Extraction…

Today I finished composing “Submerged Memories” which will be my second LP and it will be my first double LP. Consisting of 30 tracks for new material. I truly believe to this point that this album is my greatest work of art as I spent tons of sleepless hours composing it and reworking tracks to make it the very best. So far I still have vocals to do which won’t be done until I recover from having my wisdom teeth taken out. I had them removed this past Tuesday and I will be having two more removed on Wednesday this coming week so it may be some time till I am well enough to start the vocals. For now i’ll just work on lyrics and see what comes out. I do not have a release date for the album yet as I also have to finish up “Forest Of Memories” so I will keep you posted. I already have a basic track listing going but I will keep it a secret for now as I am still working out everything. Maybe soon I will post it if it works.

As for everything else i’ve just been home recovering, sucks because I am not able to chew anything so i’ve been on a strict liquid diet. Been having Chicken Broth with mini Pastani pastas in it as well as Vanilla Ice creme but in very small amounts. Also been drinking a lot of water and Apple Juice. So i’m gonna lay down for a bit and watch some videos and relax. Talk more soon. Bye…

Submerged Memories Continues/Bronx, Housing, and Wisdom Teeth/Facebook Friends...

Hey everyone, felt I should update everyone on the progress of "Submerged Memories". On Saturday evening around 1am in the morning I decided I was not personally happy with the end result of the album. The point of the album was to represent the past from 2005 to now, I felt that it represented only one-fourth of the overall events that took place. So I instead have decided to continue writing music for the album. That evening, I composed an ambient instrumental titled "Zero Degrees" representing sleeping in the first shelter I was at on Long Island, we had a snow storm that night and instead of sleeping, I actually watched it. I was very fascinated by how beautiful it was, and how bad it got. Winter is a reoccuring theme in some of my songs since winter is to me the worst time of the year. Brings back all the bad memories for me, and makes me remember something i'd rather disappear which will appear or have already been made in to a song for this album. I have also taken songs from the defunct "SEX" album which will be recreated from scratch later on another program or not at all depending on where I am at that point in time. Because of this, a lot of the songs being finished now are much more dance oriented but they now sound closer to a part of this project with the addition of guitars since that is the predominant sound of the album so far. So far twenty tracks have been composed for the album and I won't be stopping anytime soon. This might be considered a completely seperate album at this point from "Forest Of Memories" and thats fine with me. FOM is a great record and can stand on its own as the first part in an overall larger storyline. But Submerged Memories will probably be released on a seperate date from "Forest Of Memories" as to not conflict with me promoting that record since these albums will be distinctly different from each other. I will keep everyone posted on any new information I have to give on the process of Submerged Memories. And i'm also sure that a lot of people remember an album named "Submerged Memories Vol. 1" was shown on my music Facebook a while ago. I will still be releasing that project of old demos and songs but under a different name so don't worry. That will be dealt with when I get to it. As for "Forest Of Memories" at this point, its all finished, just doing some minor tweaks before exporting the album. Then I will be making things ready for the release late this Summer or early Fall.

Currently at Fountain House, went with Mike this morning to check out his new apartment which is twice the size of his old apartment which is nice. But a lot of work has to be done before we move in next week. It is located in the Bronx which I have no problem with, even more funny is how we are located directly a block away from a hospital. But other than that it was very nice, great assortment of places to get things. He is currently looking for a mattress for himself that way I would get the futon we currently use and i'd sleep in the living on the futon. In the meantime I am still looking for a place with my friend Larry. So far I have no idea where anything is on that front since the lady has yet to get back to us but I will talk to Larry sometime this week about it and hopefully we can get the ball rolling on that. I also have to check in sometime today about an appointment that I need made for me to get my Wisdom Teeth removed. I am really nervous and not looking forward to that, I have been told how the procedure takes place and I pretty much turned to mush after I heard about the stitches that would be going into my mouth. I hate dentists to begin with but I am prepared to make my smile better even if my mouth and sanity have to get murdered in the process.

I have also notified most if not all of my friends that I was close with on Facebook via email that I would like to continue talking to them. Hopefully I will be able to and their won't be any problems as a lot of them are pretty nice and decent people which is hard to come by these days. I respect them and think a lot of them are very cool. And I hope to speak to them all soon. Okay, well Mike just got back upstairs so I think that will do it for now. See you all later, have a great day everyone.

Facebook Dies/Sluts & The City/Submerged Memories is announced...

Facebook is gone, reason being that I don't have time to be obsessed over peoples comments, Farmville and other time wasters. So please stop asking me about this, I can't stand being asked over and over again. Now on to more important things, I have started a little series on my YouTube called "Sluts & The City" which is a web reality show, it showcases me and my friends Larry & Paul and countless others. Its pretty much just me and my friends just being us and doing very silly things. So far i've got good feed back from it and I look forward to showing everyone more episodes as they are edited together. I will link the first episode below for you viewing pleasure.

Between all this, I have managed to finish composing "Submerged Memories" which is the second part to a two part album, Forest Of Memories being the first. I will be releasing them seperately as they are both complete different albums but they will be released on the same day. Submerged Memories will detail events throught 2005 to the present. It consists of 15 tracks of music, two of which are instrumentals. Most of the album features guitars which have not been used much on my records but I wanted to go into a different direction with SM because Forest Of Memories was very electronic. I am very proud of both albums and very proud to have gotten some of these demons out of me. I hope my fans enjoy it as well.

In other news I will be updating this page from now on, and I will probably not be doing a set up like this much longer, even if the blog entries are short. But I hope to update you all soon. Enjoy!

Gamestop, Spring, and Feeling Our Weaknesses...

Hey everyone, so to start this blog entry off I will discuss my unfortunate visit to Gamestop this past weekend, a few weeks back I went to Gamestop and picked up Final Fantasy X for the PS2. Now i've played through half the game and i'm up to the part where you have to confront Sin (one of the two main villians of Final Fantasy X). Whenever it comes to this part, it shows Sin using Graviga on the party and suddenly Yuna is flipping out...and it doesn't stop. She just keeps going, and going and it never loads up the battle sequence. Because the game is defective, I brought it back to Gamestop with the hopes that they could replace my disc with a one that actually worked since at this point i've waited 16 dollars of my hard earned money. So I go inside, and stand on a line that leads out the door, and I see only parents on this line, they are all buying their kids games. Yet they don't question why and just pay whatever their children want. Anyways, I get up to the front, and tell them I bought the game about a week and a half ago, the game is defective half way thru the game. So the young blond female cashier asks me "Do you have a reciept?", i did not hold on to the reciept as I did not intend to return the game. So she says she needs a reciept and calls over the manager, she tells me they need a reciept even if they were to replace the game. So they look up in their computers and find an old transaction of me selling some games but not of me buying this particular game. Now the cashier that sold me Final Fantasy X shows up and I tell her this particular cashier sold me the game. She asks him, and he fails to recognize me... So in the end, I was told because I don't have the reciept that I can't get a replacement. So pretty much that was the last straw on crappy service from Gamestop, leaders of not giving you a choice so you can get ripped off by them. This leads me to an article in a forum that I came across after discussing how much of a Monopoly Gamestop really is. It really touches on some good points and at one point or another we have been ripped off by the "Trade-In" policy of Gamestop where you can trade in a 39.99 dollar game and get 7 dollars back. I have been there, at least at old stores such as Funcoland (which was bought out by Gamestop) you were able to get half the amount of the games price and possibly more if you brought the game back in mint condition. Whether you agree with me or not, you can't deny, Power To The Players, is not the correct slogan for this company. It should be "Power Taken From The Players"...

http://boardsus.playstation.com/t5/MVP-General-Discussion/Gamestop-A-quot-Monopoly-quot/m-p/36547827

As for other matters, today was a pretty good day, its been just beautiful outside and the trees started to bloom, I love Spring and enjoy the warmer weather. I was planning on working on some music today but after some complications with the DVD/CD drive on my Mac G4 it didn't happen. I will have to invest in a hard drive and a new CD/DVD Drive as well as some cooling fans to keep the computer's heat at a good level. Only problem with this computer is its ability to overheat very quickly. In the mean time, I will just relax, i've been thinking of just writing some lyrics and see what comes out of that. I have also been working and talking with Paul about our collaborative project, Dominion Alliance. We are working on some stuff and have released some pictures of us at work and playing with some sounds, these can all be found at my music Facebook page located at the link below.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dustin-Terry/119001855068?ref=ts

The last thing I wanted to touch on is that lately, i've just felt kinda out of touch with everything. Life feels like blur and all that surrounds me, I find myself getting defensive over minor jokes, angry towards so many minor things and I just try to relax. I feel so lonely, this doesn't mean just lonely as in love, but lonely as in just anyone who wants to be around me. I believe its my actions that have caused this and I don't think I can apologize for them. All I can say is, I am doing my best to control my emotions, I have been off of my medications for quite sometime now, i've managed to keep myself somewhat in control but lately, it's just become harder to do so. And a few weeks ago I signed up for Medicade Health Insurance, I need to see a doctor again, I need to talk to my Therapist, I just need to get back on route, I need to stop taking all my anger from my past and from the present and let them go and cleanse my body of all these bad things. I just want to be happy again. And after hearing so many lies about me from guys who don't even know me, and just feeling like I don't belong in anywhere I try to go, such as the Bear Community, the Gay Community, etc... I'm just tired of it, I don't want anymore drama, I just want to let go, have fun. For the time i've live in New York, it seems like everyone has an attitude, something to prove, almost as if everyone is afraid to show how they feel, any weaknesses they might expose. Yet, when I talk about my problems, or air my dirty laundry, suddenly I become the weak one, and become known as crazy, or a drama queen. For once in my life, I don't care how people label me, I am proud of who I am, I am proud of all the great things i've accomplished, and I am fine with all the faults I have. I may not have a lot of friends, but at least I am not afraid to show how I am really feeling. I don't hide behind false smiles just to stay inside of the crowd. And in that of itself makes me more real and honest then most people I know, its hard to believe people who can tell you how much they like you, and then next minute they are hoping you die or get some kind of disease. I may say things about others, but I say it out of my anger, and I never truly mean to anyone to be hurt or to die. I truly just want everyone to be happy and for me and everyone around me to get along. I guess what i'm trying to say is that I just want to feel normal, to feel like everyone else, and stop worrying about everything. Just have a day everything feels right, and everyone gets what they want, and at the end of the day, we are all feeling great, and feel closer as friends, as people, and not judge each other on our personal problems, our differences, our faults. Everyone is equal, I know some people will disagree with me because of the state of the world, and such. But does that mean its wrong? Is it really so bad to be equal to someone, no matter who they are? Would you truly turn down something for the better of everyone? And continue to spread lies, rumors, and simply forget about anyone elses feelings but your own, locked away inside that selfish cage, that prison you created yourself. Think about it...

Good New Job-Bad Old Job, New Music Updates, Atlantic City...

Hey everyone, glad to finally have time to update this, sorry for not being around. Been taking my time to focus on things i've needed to get done. So first off, I have been working at my new job, its a Law Firm literally across from my last job, American Express. This new place is great and I really enjoy the job. I can't complain, but what I will complain about is the fact that American Express STILL has yet to pay me. They owe me 96 dollars for three days of working, but have yet to give it to me. So i've in constant contact with Fountain House but they are doing very little to help the situation. So at this point after talking with my best friend Mike on this, I am thinking of getting legal action involved in this because its been a month and a half and thats illegal to hold my check for that long. So I will keep you posted on that sitution.

Tomorrow or today rather, I will be meeting with Paul, we have both been talking, we finished Obsidion Shroud musicially a few months back but we are currently not happy with the finished product and wanted to go back and add new songs and redo some songs from the original version, so we will be working on the beginning stages on that today. I am very excited and cannot wait to see what happens. As for my solo music project, the past few months i've been working on a fourth album which I have yet to give it a official title, but from what i've been coming out with, the music is probably my darkest project. Not that it will be completely devoid of light songs like my second album "The Endless Hole", but I just feel like doing what feels best right now, and this feels right.

And as for the rest, everything is going okay so far, I went with my parents to Atlantic City this past weekend, it was amazing, I had a great time. I enjoy just getting away and seeing the sites, its always great for me, i just enjoy seeing things outside of the normal. Just being somewhere other than here is always a vacation to me.

New Job New Clothes, Opinion Is Not Fact, Update On Dustin Terry Music...

Hey everyone, sorry for the delay in my post to blogger. So to start things off, I am gonna start working at a new job and leaving my old job at American Express Publishing. I will be going to this Law Firm, B & M. I have done three days of training so far and I like it. I feel a bit overwhelmed by the status of some of the documents I will be handling but i'm sure i'll be fine. I will finish out this week at my old job from Monday to Wednesday. Then I will do one more day of training on Friday. My first day of work will be Monday after this week. So I just hope everything goes smoothly. Plus, I am very glad that my mother, in this time of need, helped me get new clothes because I didn't have anything to wear to this new job. So now I have three more pairs of pants, an extra shirt, and two more ties and dress shoes.

As for everything else, I am really depressed and stressed out lately. I have been becoming the victim of my own thoughts and comments and I have put up status messages on my Facebook of things that have randomly annoyed me. And in turn have caused other to contact me and challange my opinion. I don't mind constructive critizism, what I don't like is how some people attack my opinion and try to make me sound crazy and wrong. And make themselves sound like they are the absolute truth. Its just very annoying so instead i'll post whatever I need to in here. I'll try to post only good things in Facebook from now on because it seem everyone is on their period or something.

I have also announced that I will be taking time off from music after I release all three albums "Forest Of Memories", "The Endless Hole", and "SEX". I just wanna relax and figure out my next path after I finish them and make sure whatever I do is me and if I still feel I wanna do music. Plus, I need new equipment. I have some ideas for future albums but feel I need some time off to make sure that I can do them and get new equipment for them so they sound to the best they can. So in the meantime I will do my best to get them done and I will release them as soon as possible. I will also do a few live shows in support for the albums and some music videos.