Okay, I have to say this because its emotionally and mentally hurting me inside and I won’t be able to sleep unless I let this out now. Ever since I deleted my Facebook profile I have been out of contact with people I thought I was very close with, people I considered good friends. And now its like i’m alone, so because I left Facebook and because it was very easy for you to get in contact with me that now i’m not there you don’t have the time to say hello or even check up? I mean I send out a mass email to say hello to you and everyone else and out of twenty people only two people have the time to respond. I know what you are going to say, “Oh Dustin, you are being too controlling, i’ll respond to you when I get the chance”. First off, its not controlling when you sent the message a month or two months ago so shut up. Second, if you really check nothing but Facebook then you don’t have much of a life then do you? I left Facebook because of two major reasons, the first being that I really dislike Mark Zuckerberg’s stand on Privacy. I don’t care what his OPINION is on privacy. I DO NOT want my information public and for him to personally feel its okay to take it and spread it across the internet is fucked up. I do not want my status updates, messages, private messages, etc, to saved and seen by other people then it should be intended to people to see. Now i’ve already fought with some friends about this who are still on Facebook not because they can’t leave, its because they either don’t care what happens to their personal information or they don’t care about themselves. Unless Facebook cleans up its privacy settings for the better or they can kiss their business goodbye. Right now I have relocated to Myspace which I have yet to fully set up and I apologize for that. But for the last week i’ve been studying for a new job which at this point have no idea I will get or not. The second reason I left Facebook is because I don’t want to be distracted by it when I start this job. I want to at this job fully functioning and doing the best I can do. I can’t do that when i’m distracted by how well your trip is going at Bear Week in Provience Town and Farmville crops needing to be watered. So now that i’m not there it seems a good portion of people I once talked to have not talked to me or even have completely cut off communication with me. I’d like to just say that I don’t understand how some of you think or behave. I am a very nice person and I could be your best friend, offering advice, offering you help, but instead it seems my purpose is to continue to be alone. And its not because of you of course, its because of me, because I have the problem, and it seems I always have a problem. I’m the center of the attention which to be honest, I don’t know why I am and I really don’t want to be, i’m sure you have better things to do with your life but I guess not. I am just doing my best to try and live a normal life and it seems i’m constantly letting myself down. At this point I should be used to it but sometimes it hurts more (like tonight) then other times. And i’m sure most of the people who read will tell me, “Dustin, stop being so emo, stop being so down on yourself…”. Why don’t you take a few minutes to yourself and ask yourself, “Do you really know everything i’ve been through? Do you know how hard its been for me and how hard i’ve tried to get myself to where I am now? Do you really have any right telling me how I should feel when you don’t know the half of it?”. Maybe its better off that way, everytime I tell my past to people it seems I never see those people again. I seem to scare them off, I guess i’m too much to handle for anyone. Even myself. I wish things were different, but this is who I am. And I can’t change that, either take me as I am, or go back to your perfect dreamworld continue to live in your fantasy. I’ll live in the real world, all of its ugliness, all of its pain, all of its beauty, all of its sorrow. And I won’t throw away the pieces I don’t like, i’ll take it all and accept it. Right now, i’m doing my best to be strong, and sometimes it would be nice to have someone to help me back up when I fall to my knees. I hope you will be one of those people, cause thats what I need. People I can rely on, please be there for me, i’m not asking much but just for you to help me through a hard time right now. Thank you for listening to me. Goodnight…
No comments:
Post a Comment