Okay, so I needed some time to think about this, last Monday I had a guy come over to play and everything seemed fine until we started. He had some idea of me made up in his head and was getting mad at me for not being what he envisioned in his head, like he was upset that I was not more butch, controlling and dominate. I am none of those things, nor have I ever expressed to be any of those things, I have always kind of been in a middle when it comes to butch and effeminate which is why I consider myself non-binary. I don't feel like I fit in to either of those and hearing him get mad at me just made me feel like complete and utter garbage. He kept being rude to me and getting mad at me the entire time he was here, I was being apologetic when in fact I should have just ejected his ass from my house, I don't need to explain myself to anyone especially some stupid faggot who is gonna put me in a box. Needless to say, it hurt me and it still is bothering me a week later, its made me uncomfortable with myself and with other men to the point where I don't even want to hook up now because I feel inadequate to be able to do so because I am not what anyone wants. Maybe I just need some time to get past this asshole, also I have my boyfriend but even with him, any man really I am just feeling like I am not good enough. Just take my "Bear Card" because I don't want it anymore.
I want to Twitch stream but every time I go to do so I chicken out, I am not sure what's going on. I think my social anxiety is totally taking over so yea maybe I just need to stream when I want to make content for my YouTube Channel because I don't want to force myself to do anything that is causing me distress. It just sucks because I want to do it more often and but my anxiety is just taking over and making me unable to do it.
