Goodbye Facebook, New Single "Left-Right" & Elden Ring Network Test

I've finally exorcised myself of Facebook, after Mark Zuckerberg gave money to Trump's campaign as well as changing the terms of service to hurt minorities and transgendered people I felt it was time to leave. On top of that all I ever see on there now is unending feeds about what Trump is doing, I appreciate people wanting to be aware and let people know whats going on but as I said in my previous post since the election I have been physically ill to the point of having anxiety and panic attacks whenever I think about it. I have distanced myself from a lot of it and its made me feel better so I am not having panic attacks as much anymore but I still do feel a great deal of anxiety. I have been approached by a few people who feel I should stay and just deactivate my account but I don't want to do that because that pulls my morals in to question and it also makes me feel like a hypocrite and I refuse to put my morals aside and be hypocritical. Its wrong, period. To stay there now is like hating Elon Musk and but staying on Twitter/X, its completely hypocritical. This is why I consolidated my online presence to just Bluesky, YouTube and Discord, and right now I am very pissed off with Google over the Gulf of Mexico change. All these companies that are bowing down to Trump and kissing his ass, I hope most people remember this, don't support these companies that are basically telling us to go fuck ourselves because they want to align with Trump mission just so they don't get attacked by him. Yea no fuck that, I hope companies like Coke, Meta, Amazon go under, I don't want to support any of them again because of them choosing to bow down to Trump.

Because of all of this, I have put the 20 songs I have written for Nothing and Nowhere on the backburner for now. I am writing very political tracks right now, one of which is a song I wrote back in 2007 for an album called The Endless Hole that I never released. Too many guys heard the title name and thought I was talking about a super bottom that wants to take every dick he can get. NO!!! It was meant to be my attempt at an Downward Spiral album. That would come later in Remnants, and now Nothing and Nowhere. But anyways the track is called Left-Right, its very antimilitarism and where our country is heading if we continue down the path we are heading right now. It is available now on Bandcamp but will be everywhere else on February 21st, 2025. Its available here: https://voidofaxis.bandcamp.com/track/left-right

I feel like I haven't been in the mood to make videos for my channel, I feel like I should do it when I am feeling like putting something up, despite this I know people want new stuff so yesterday I filmed a few new episodes of Questionable Questions with Jacob and we need to film some new Burning Down the House with Jacob episodes this weekend. I also plan on streaming Elden Ring: Nightreign Network Test (if I can) which should be awesome. I am currently playing Bloodborne with Jacob and Ben, also playing Dark Souls 3 between Minecraft and FFXIV so I've been pretty busy with a lot of different games. I feel I should stream more but my anxiety has always got in the way of that and I only do it when I physically and mentally feel like I can handle it.

Lost and Broken

 I haven't felt like writing anything because my thoughts are everywhere right now. I am just beside myself right now, our country is in the worst state its ever been and people are just acting like its the best time ever. I can't understand and trying to make sense of it makes me physically ill, maybe this is what our country needs, a cleansing, a revolution, lots of blood and deaths on the hands of the idiotic. I have no idea, I don't have the answers.

I have been writing a lot of music, taking breaks in between because as I said before its been making me physically ill. I have been having panic attacks everyday and now I cry at least once a day when I freak out so guess thats gonna be the new normal for the next 4 years. Gonna talk to a friend of mine about seeing if I can see a therapist at the gay center here at least once a month. I can't afford to go more often but I need to see a therapist because I can't function like this for the next four years.

At the very least I got my 120 Day Chip from CMA, I am very happy I have remained sober but its been so hard with everything so broken and destroyed. But I know getting fucked up wouldn't fix anything, it would just make everything worse. Been distancing myself from social media and honestly that has helped so maybe I need to remove social media from my phone because its only making me feel worse.

I am sorry I don't have more to say, I just feel so lost and broken with how things have become. I hope things will get better.

Relapse Dream, 4 Years of Hell & Uploads for Dustin Studios

Just woke up and I had a pretty vivid "using dream" last night, I went to some guys house in the dream, he wasn't really attractive but I went because he had Meth and thats the real reason I went in the dream. I have done that in real life where I would go to have sex with some guys only because they had Meth and I didn't feel any attraction to them once so ever. He said we would have an hour to play and such so he handed me a shard and everytime I went to snort it something fucked up would happen like I wouldn't have the card to crush it up, I didn't have a straw to snort it, it would fall off the table. At some point I got annoyed and yelled at the guy and I grabbed a shard and went to the bathroom to do it, I was able to get that one done and I felt it a little bit but at the same time I was like "I want more" so I left the bathroom and the police were there and so were some people, it was fucking weird. But at that point I also realized it was a dream and that no matter how much I did of it I would never be satiated. It reminded me of the last time I used where I got an 8 ball but I believe he gave me way more than that, I ended up using for a week and half straight and that is very unusual for me because usually after 3 days I am over it and want to come down, not last time. I just wanted to keep going and needed more and was never satisfied. That scared me, thats why recovery is so important to me now. I'm glad that I was able to realize what the dream was, just my brain trying to get me to go back and I can't. I just can't anymore.

Since the election and the holidays I haven't felt like filming new Bears On The Coast material, since its a vlog about our lives I just don't feel like sharing our lives because well why? We are about to enter Hell and who knows how bad its going to be, also if you are different in any way shape or form basically the people who voted for Trump want you dead and it disturbs me that this is where we are in our country. I don't feel safe, I am scared for my life, for the life of my partner and my roommate, my friends and family. I am just scared and everyone else is acting like Question Hound right now, I have a very bad feeling about the next 4 years and I hope we can all make it through it.

Despite how I am feeling I have pushed myself to do a walkthrough of Dark Souls 1 Remastered, the first walkthrough I have ever done on my channel, I have also started to back up any live streams or old videos I have to my channel. I want the Dustin Studios channel to also be an archive for my previous work over the years, I plan to even put up some of my old Dustin Studios Volumes which were video tapes I made when I was a kid. I only have a few of them now and I've lost the rest over the years. For a long time I was embarrassed by them because people would say "oh your movies suck, you need to come back to reality, you'll never make a living doing videos or anything creative" but I realize now those people were wrong, sure the videos aren't professional but its the first time I started to stretch my creative wings and I can see from my old videos some of my humor and ideas that I would refine over the years and make them work in a more professional space. Its a part of my past and part of my journey to where I am now and I am not embarrassed by them. Also I have been told that I need to make separate channels for everything that is different from each other on YouTube and I just feel like thats too much for me to do, if thats how the algorithm works then fuck the algorithm. As I said before I want my channel to be the space where all of my creative work is in one place:

• Void of Axis
• Bears On The Coast
• A Word From Dustin
• Questionable Questions
• Burning Down the House with Jacob
• Chicken Chat
• VOAGamerCub Gaming
• Dustin Studios Classics

I want to make videos because I enjoy making them, not because I want to be rich or famous or anything. Its because it what I love to do and I feel like a lot of people on YouTube just do things just for money and I understand people need to make a living but at the same time I feel you also need to do things just because you love doing them. I have watched over the years as my work becomes more refined and more progress has been made to make my work more professional and I am learning as I am working on my creative projects so that makes me happy. This is my lifes work and this is what I intend to do till the day I die, this is how I want to spend my life.