I've been hurt so many times that I've become defensive with anyone who I talk to. Its a nasty habit that's developed from the bad experiences I've had with being naive and giving people too much control. It hurts that I've come to this, and now I feel terrible because its made me attack people who weren't doing anything to Me. This is something I have to work on, I am just scared of being hurt and its trapped me in this state of fear. I'm tired of these sleepless nights feeling like everyone hates me. I know that isn't true because I have friends who are there. But something inside me tells me I'm worthless and stupid. I want to lose these thoughts, I want to stop feeling like I'm not doing anything with my life, I want to stop giving a shit about other peoples views of me, and I want to feel like for once that I'm a good person and not a bad one. I am way too tired of these emotions and thoughts, I need to help myself now and try to get better.
"This is something I have to work on, I am just scared of being hurt and its trapped me in this state of fear."
ReplyDeleteDustin, Gods how those words speak to me. I've been there, and still wrestle with it sometimes. But you've taken that first important step of realizing that just because you have been hurt, doesn't mean you have to still be hurt. Letting go and healing are tough work, again I still wrestle with it, but you can do it!
Hugs,
Geoffrey / Pax / Pyrobear