Went to bed around 9PM tonight but woke up around 2AM. Have thoughts racing through my head. Some are about my remaining work on the show, some are about signing up for a specific job and some of my insecurities and fears about if I get the job, and other thoughts are about just feeling unhappy with where I am as far finding work, having no health insurance or income and taking my frustration out on others. I'm going to discuss these in order now.
Lets start with the current work load left of Bears On The Coast. A lot of people have misinterpreted that The Sim Edition of BOTC would be the finale. Its not and the current state of that is that it will either be in the bonus season or be something else entirely. The last episode though is a "Best Of", a look back on some of the moments that make our show special for us and for our fans. It will feature the best of serious moments, funniest moments, memorable moments, Banjo moments and Friend moments. We are looking back on the series as a whole so I've been having to review 28 episodes looking for pieces to use. Because I am doing this its been taking longer than usual but I estimate it will be out sometime before Christmas.
Now that brings me to my job situation. A friend of mine referred me to this company he works for a week ago. I have yet to put in an application and this is because:
1. I still have to finish editing this final episode of the show. I really want to finish this before I apply so I don't fall behind on the show which is closing after this episode anyways.
2. Its been a while since I've had a job. My last job was in New York almost two years ago working for Law Firms. I kinda feel out of practice even though I know I could definitely do this job.
3. I am nervous since I'd be working from home that Michael might come home and be loud or try to disrupt me from my work and it my annoy the customer I'm working with and jepordize the job. This is something I have to work with Michael and if we need to move me in to another room when I'm working then so be it.
So these are my main concerns with the job right now. I know its normal to be nervous about these things and I'm sure once BOTC is done I will be able to think clearly and devote myself 100% to working.
This leads me to the last things with touches on me working on the show and not having work right now. Bears On The Coast, while it is fun and showcases my creativity has strained my relationship with Michael and some of my friends. I am editing this show from the time I wake up till almost Midnight almost everyday. I've been working this way for almost the whole run of the show. I am worn out and I need to take a break from it because while I admit I can be a walking studio that can get the whole project done, a year straight of this is not healthy and hasn't helped me in any way find work that I'll actually get paid for. I am frustrated because I have so little time to focus on finding work and studying for my Drivers License because all I have time for is working on the show. That's why it needs to end for a while and I need to focus on my life and work on the things that are really important. Not to say BOTC isn't important, it is, but it doesn't pay the bills, it doesn't provide me income, and it doesn't give me health insurance which I desperately need. I understand its important to Michael and our fans but I didn't come down here to work on a underground show which I spend ridiculous hours to work on only to get very little out of it. I want to continue the show but one my own free time after I get things to where I want them to be and heal the gaps I've created from this show due to my crazy work schedule.
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