24 Reflections

Laying in bed, the day before our big trip to Orlando for my 24th Birthday thinking. I guess its time for a reflection of the past year.
So this time last year I was sitting at a table of people who were considering or had already turned there back on me. In this bar in Kalamazoo, Michigan, I was pretending things were okay and hiding behind smiles, its was hard, living with someone you grew close to in two years time and then after almost a week of time together in person it was over and all that was left was a bitter taste that we both suffered with. How can someone who came off so sweet turn out to be so rude and harsh? I wonder if I did something wrong, but I can't worry about such things now. It was a rough period of my life, it was sort of the limbo of Dante's Inferno but it was a limbo of my own making. All because of my inexperience and a bad choice, but i've learned since then and id theirs anything i've learned its that life is a growing process and we are constantly learning from our experiences.
A breaking point was hit in Michigan, and I reached out to anyone that would listen, even if most of the people I was close with weren't there to listen. Somewhere in all of that cold emptiness I felt inside of me, part of me knew I needed to do something. Thats when I met my now current roommate and one of my closest and best friends, Michael Varvel. Meeting him and moving down here is one of the best decisions i've made, if I never made it, i'd be scared to think of where i'd be today.
Since moving down here, Michael has made it more than welcoming for me. I've met lots of people and friends and shared my creativity and personal life with people when me and he started Bears On The Coast. Its been quite a change, but a good one, i'm glad to be having a birthday this year with people who care about me and I care about them. My friends are like my family and keep me strong, I thank them all for sticking with me.

Dustin's 24th Birthday & Drunken Straight Boys

My 24th Birthday is coming up, we are going down to Orlando for the weekend. So far the current plan is to go down on Friday, pick up James from Orlando Airport, and then get unpacked for the evening. Saturday, we wake up early, go to Disney till early afternoon, then come back and relax before dinner at Hamburger Mary's that evening, and possibly going to P House afterwards. Then on Sunday, wake up early and go to either Disney or Universal, then hang at the hotel and go to dinner at Stevi B's and then P House. Monday we will be packing and getting ready to leave, we will have lunch with James and drop him off at the airport around the afternoon and then head back up to Gainesville. Its a very long list of stuff but its all stuff I hope to do. I am looking forward to seeing a lot of my friends. Glad to be getting out of the house and doing someone fun.

So its almost 3am here and Michael was woken up by the sound of a very loud drum set which was being played above our heads. It was like a rock concert was going on and we even had the sound of an audience of drunken guys and girls. We got dressed and went out to the lobby where Michael went upstairs to find not only was the tenant above us awake but the tenant upstairs on the other side was hanging out with them as well. So Michael asks them "Can you please keep it down, its two in the morning and were trying to get some sleep?". Silence, thats all I heard for almost a minute and then "The way you put it sounds like a reasonable request." and then we went back inside. Ten minutes later, the drums are back and Michael is on the phone with the police, the arrive, watch the house for three minutes and then leave... Thats not what we asked but okay. They are at least being quiet now, and i'm gonna try to head to bed.

Binge and Purge

Theirs nothing like being up all night throwing up from food poisoning. My life is so fabulous. So i'm suppose to see James today but that my not happen now due to my sudden problem. Gonna stay home and hope that it passes, in the meantime gonna catch up on sleep since i'm bound to the bathroom for now. Hopefully later tonight i'll feel better and help Michael with packing for our trip to Orlando. I have to charge up the new and old camera. I think we will film a bit for Season 2, still need 2 or 3 more episodes filmed.

You Don't Love Me

Why am I always told that everyone loves me? I wonder at how accurate that statement is because if everyone loves me then why don't I have any close friends, why don't they call me, and why can't anyone who says they wanna date me ask me out on a date instead of dragging out their feelings about me for weeks to months only to find they have moved on. I'm not sure how to feel about this, I kinda feel like my heart is constantly being played with and lied to. For once I want what someone says to me to be true and he does follow through, and he does care and call me. I'm tired of having my heart broken, just say it and it would make things easier, "You don't love me."

Productivity, Banjo on Facebook, Numb

Today was a pretty productive day I would say. I finished the re-edit of Episode 17 of BOTC, started editing Episode 18 and will continue more tomorrow, and I just finished setting the songs on my follow up second record "Against The World" in a complete track listing. I got more done than I expected even though it doesn't feel like it.

Banjo, our love child and mascot for BOTC introduced in Episode 4 has recently got his own Facebook page. He came on for two reasons, the first is to add all our current and new fans so when we create events for Bears On The Coast we can invite the fans. Second is to interact with the fans and watch over the BOTC page like a moderator.

I've started to notice lately something that i've been suffering with for a while. Since I left NYC back im August, I feel like i've built a shell around me. Outside I appear fun and silly, but inside I feel numb. I feel dead almost like everthing is generic, nothing excites me and I keep myself distant from people because I feel no one can understand me. I keep a lot of things inside and its becoming more and more of a struggle to do that these days. I'm wondering if I will ever stop feeling numb inside, I don't want to live my life feeling flatlined of feelings and emotions...

007: For You Ears Only Available Now!

007: For Your Ears Only, the sequel to 007: Dr.Go which was uploaded a couple years ago on my Youtube page and now available to watch. Its been pretty much re edited with special effects and music. You can check it out here:

Future Of Bears On The Coast

Got the computer fixed now. So now its running much more smoothly. Currently editing 007:For Your Ears Only, got the videos exported in a format that Sony Vegas could handle.  So tomorrow I will be working dilligently on that to get it done. Very excited to be editing some of these old memories. Considering taking silly weird moments and having them cut in to Bears On The Coast as a joke.

I'm gonna be honest, I am growing tired of working 110% for Bears On The Coast. It feels like i've been working non stop since the show started and it was something I used to look forward to. I've already promised Season 2 and I will follow through with that promise. But after its finished don't expect to see too much new from BOTC. We will return when we both feel we have regained our strength. I want to come back to the project with the feeling of excitement.