Theirs nothing worse than waking up almost every day since starting recovery and having no idea who you are, what you like to do, what you enjoy and what you want to do with your life. I am completely baffled by everything and unable to think about any of it. I am suppose to believe that over time things will get better, its hard to believe in anything when I am constantly belittled to be more "positive" and be more upbeat. I don't think anyone should tell me how to feel especially since they have no idea what its like to be numb for 2 years just to feel normal. I am just seriously at a breaking point I feel with people who want me to feel a certain way but won't take the time out of their own lives to even know what the fuck is going on with me. You can't tell someone to be a certain way if you have no idea what the fuck is even going on in their lives. Sorry it doesn't work that way and I feel so damaged because of years of being told that shit that I can't deal with it anymore. Right now the only thing I want to do is stay alive, that is my priority and that's the only thing I am certain of until I am able to think better due to the damage I have done to my mind over years and years of drug abuse. If staying alive and regaining a life for myself is not positive enough for you then you should leave. I have nothing for you and won't push myself to make you happy at the expense of my own health.
It is hard to find self when everyone keeps trying Rio define who you are for you. Take it a day at a time and just be who you feel you need to be.
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