Hey, yesterday I went to see Skinny Puppy on their 'In Solvent See' 2009 tour. It was at the Nokia Theater in Times Square. It was amazing, I went with my friends Paul and Edwin. I bought a Skinny Puppy Hat and Tour t-shirt. I had an awesome time, what I didn't notice was that a mosh pit was starting behind me. At some point I was pushed so hard that I fell on this poor girl, I apologized and she was like "Oh its okay!". The set list was sick, they started with Love In Vein (Last Rights-1992) and started to play older songs such as Addiction (Cleanse, Fold, & Manipulate-1987), Deadlines (Bites-1985), and Morpheus Laughing (Too Dark Park-1990). Ogre's costume was as disturbing as he usually makes it. He limped onto the stage using a walker and he looked menacing in his new costume. If you are a Skinny Puppy fan, new or old, I recommend seeing this tour.
Now after the concert, Paul was upset because of a few issues including Edwin stuffing his vinyl in Paul's bag, him moving to a location away from the pit (but ended up being in a pit of trustfund babies...ewwww), and me supposably having control over what Paul should be doing that night. Me and Paul are not talking now because of this, but to be honest, I am sorry about that fact that he did not have a good night and I never meant to make him feel left out but first of all, I never told him to move. I told him he can be where ever he wants to be. I told him when I got the tickets like three month ago that I wanted to get front row area, he said he didn't want to be there so he had no problem with me being there. So what happened? Did you suddenly have a problem with it? Because we were clear, I would be in the front. I never told you to move to the right, and I never told you anything. Edwin told you to move because you were carrying his vinyl which by the way, Edwin should have taken responsability for the vinyl he bought. He shouldn't have dumped it on you and I agree that is wrong but what the hell does that have to do with me? Did I give him permission to put it in your bag. No. You did. You said it was okay so you should take responsability for you actions. I am sick of trying to make everyone happy and apparently it shows here. At this point I should also state that Dominion Alliance is either on hold or its dead if this can't get resolved between me and Paul. To me that's fine because right now I have to focus on my own issues because I am not gonna dwell on this unfortunate incident.
And this brings me to the final part of this blog entry, yesterday, after the whole Paul incident, I decided that I am focusing too much time and energy on Facebook, Myspace, and Bear411. I was being consumed by negative comments from certain people on there and I have been very rude and open minded in my responses to them. I tried to take a break but ended up going back on there a few days later because of the fact that I keep in touch with all my friends on there. I deleted them all yesterday and feel like a weight has been dropped off me and I have friends that I will keep in touch from my Facebook, Myspace, and Bear411 through e-mail and phone. For now I have to focus on getting myself better. I am gonna be very open about this right now because some people might not understand how I will work on myself. I have been off of my medication for a year now. When I decided to stop taking my meds for Schizoaffective Disorder I felt I could handle it and for the time I actually did. But now I realize that I have been very aggressive with people, I have been very hurtful to some people including guys I wish to have gotten to know better. Which is why I need to go back on my medication, and start working towards something better for myself. I am upset at the thought that now some of these people think that I am just this mean and crazy person. I am not. And I don't want to be that person. I want to be someone that you can trust and come to if you need to talk or just need a go friend by your side. I don't wanna be this evil bitch that will talk down to you and walk all over you. So for now, I will be off of all that, focusing on going to school so I can get a degree in Data Entry so I can get a better job, and get myself an apartment of my own. After work, I am suppose to meet with Elliott at Fountain House about where I should begin on my transition. I will blog later about what happened but for now, time to do the mail run. Again, and to anyone I have hurt or pissed of with what I have done or said. I apologize and hope in time as I get better that you can forgive me and come to trust me again.
-Dustin-
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